


Creating Hope

by wrightaway



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-05-18 03:28:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5896387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrightaway/pseuds/wrightaway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan finally managed to make a few friends at university, but they're not exactly what you would call "good influences".<br/>On a dare, Dan calls in a professional female cuddler, but a mix up causes a man named phil to show up. Oddly enough, their relationship seems natural, and soon grows to something more.<br/>With the help of Phil, Dan begins to see the truly amazing possibilities life provides.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fire on the Mountain

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, first time fic writer here!  
> Sorry if Dan is a bit OOC, I promise he'll be more like himself once he meets Phil. I hope you enjoy, and please, I'd love to hear feedback + suggestions for how it should go!

“Dan you pussy, just take one!”

Dan smiled sheepishly, his hand shaking slightly, raising the mystery drink to his lips. Before he can talk himself out of it, he drinks the concoction, pinching his nose as he tilts his head back.

His throat seizes up, and though he wants to down the shot, desperate to prove he’s just as cool as the jocks he hangs out with, his body just won’t cooperate. He chokes, the upchuck spilling onto the floor, splattering all over his girlfriend’s shoes.

“Fucking hell, Dan!” she shrieks. “You could have just said ‘no’!”

No I couldn’t’ve, Dan thinks. You never would let me off the hook if I didn’t take it.

“I uh…” Dan begins, but quickly changes course when he realizes explaining is pointless. “What the fuck is in this?”

An old habit he had learned, much easier to distract than to actually explain what he was feeling.

Sam, a skinny brunette with a rather awful haircut speaks up. “A little bit of everything from the liquor cabinet, tabasco sauce, sriracha, and Nicole’s secret ingredient: liquid smoke!”

“More like ‘liquid nope’,” Dan whispers under his breath, looking up to see his girlfriend, Nicole, giggling in amusement.

She’s very good-looking -- blond, with sizeable cleavage, and toned limbs from the countless sports she partakes in. Why she was dating him, Dan wasn’t sure, but he didn’t want to turn it down. Sure, she wasn’t a great listener, nor did she respect his physical boundaries, and, yeah, she did nearly get him expelled, and oh my god why the hell was he dating her?

Dan’s face flushes at the realization. Nicole is not a good girlfriend. If he had any respect for his mental health, he would get out of the relationship right now. But… if he did that, he might lose all of his friends.

Sam, Nash, Cameron… they were all he had. True, they weren’t much better than Nicole, but, god, anything was better than being alone. Dan had spent way too much of his life alone. And now these people- cool people- hung out with him willingly, he should be grateful, dammit.

“What’s fagged you bro?” Nash asked, punching Dan a little too roughly.

“Nothing, just feeling sick,” Dan lied, clearing his mind. “Why don’t you take one?”

Nash laughed. “We only made one batch mate- just for you. We were worried you wouldn’t take it though. Then we would have had to get creative.”

Oh.

They just wanted to see his reaction. They weren’t even going to take it themselves. Dan could have backed out, and wouldn’t have gotten shit for being the only wuss. Then again, it was probably for the best. Dan had seen how, erm, creative, his friends could get, and didn’t care to see it again. 

“All for me? You’re too kind,” he says, pasting on a smile.

“Ah yes, well we take care of our little Danny,” Cameron smirks, pulling Dan into an uncomfortable nuggie.

“Hey, fuck off mate, I spent a half hour on this hair,” Dan protests.

“You and your damn straighteners. They're not working - you're still a fucking fag,” Sam laughs, not even acknowledging the offensive slur he just used.

Dan signed. No matter the fact he'd never come out to them, no matter the fact he was dating Nicole, a literal female, to cover his track, his friends wouldn’t stop calling him gay because he didn’t play any sports.

“I’m gonna go fix my hair,” Dan says, knowing it seemed like a lame excuse, but he needed to get away for a few minutes.

“That’s what they all say,” Sam taunts. “Just make sure to clean up after.”

Nicole snorts at the joke, and tells Dan to “call her if he needs any help.”

The bathroom door closes, and Dan sinks to the ground.

What was he doing here? He doesn’t belong at University, much less with these people. How did he get to drinking with these idiots in his girlfriend’s dorm room at three in the morning? This isn’t what he wanted in life. He wanted to learn, he wanted to create, he wanted to contribute.

He wanted to find friends- real friends- something he had been unable to do all through high school.

Strands of laughter sift through the thin doorway, and though Dan knew his friends were just a few feet away, he felt so alone.

 _Pull it the fuck together_  he tells himself, standing up to look in the mirror.

His eyes, brown and burning, look tired. There are dark circles underneath them, yet he has no desire to sleep. His mouth looks so sad, it was hard to believe he was faking a smile only minutes ago.

“Just three more years,” he says quietly. “Then you can do whatever you want.”

It’s a nice sentiment, just three more years. He can make it three years. He made it through high school, this is even less time. But he knows it’s not quiet like that. Three years seems possible, until you remember each year has 365 days, and each day holds the possibility for so many shitty happenings.

It’s like saying “you only have to down three more of these shots and then you can drink whatever you want”. Yeah, it seems doable when it’s just a concept, but actually draining all three is damn near impossible.

Dan is shocked out of his contemplation when he hears a moan, feminine and breathy, from the other room.

He shoots from the bathroom without fully comprehending the situation, and is stunned to find Sam shirtless, bending over Nicole, sucking on her neck, his hands all over her body.

“Oh!” Nicole sits up, pushing Sam off her. She looks surprised, but Dan can’t tell if it’s just part of an act. “We were wondering how long it would take you to come back. I got bored.”

She giggles, confusing Dan even further.

“What were you doing?” he demands, not sure if he should direct the question to Nicole or Sam.

“Come off it, Dan, we were just having a bit of fun,” Sam laughs. “Besides, it’s no secret you don’t like fucking Nicole, so I thought I’d do you a favor.”

Dan shoots Nicole a look, furious that she would think this was okay.

“Daaan,” she says, drawing out his name. “He’s kidding. We weren’t going to actually do anything. Jesus, you’re touchy.”

 _Well, yeah I’m bothered by this_ , Dan thinks. _You’re my girlfriend, I’m not being touchy by being angry at you for kissing other people._

“Look, I’m sorry Dan,” Nicole says raising and furrowing her brows into a look of sorrow. “I’ll make it up to you, okay?”

“I… no!” Dan says, surprised at his ferocity. “I’m sorry Nicole, but this just isn’t the kind of relationship I want! I respect your decisions, but I just can’t date someone who cheats on me while I’m in the other fucking room. Just…” he stutters, the adrenaline fading, feeling the need to get out of the room asap. “Just… good night.”

* * *

“Really, mate, I’m sorry,” Sam says, looking at Dan with a rather feigned expression of remorse. “If I could go back in time and stop it, I would.”

Dan met his eyes in shock. Did Sam actually care that much about their friendship?

“Although not really, because DAMN! That pussy is good! I can’t believe you passed that shit up!”

He laughs, and Dan’s shock fades. That’s the Sam he knows.

“Ha, well, I guess that makes sense, since you’re so keen on stealing my leftovers,” Dan says, referencing the many chips, crisps, and other snacks that mysteriously go missing whenever Sam is around.

Dan feels bad about comparing Nicole, a human being, to an object, but in the heat of the moment it slipped out.

“Fuck you mate. But c’mon. I’m sorry. I’ll even help you get another girl if you want. I know some good slu-”

“I’m good, really. It’s fine,” Dan cuts in.

“Okay cool bro. Why don’t we all hang out tonight? I can tell that bitch Nicole that she’s gotta find some other guy to suck off tonight, and us guys can get hammered.”

Not particularly appealing, but better than spending the night alone in his single dorm, possibly passing out on the carpet midway through an existential crisis.

“Yeah sure, I’d be down for that. No more Fire on the Mountain’s though,” Dan says, referring to the drink they had made him last time.

“Naw mate, just good clean booze.”

* * *

 

Oh god please make it end, Dan thinks as Sam downs his ninth beer.

“Really now, what do you like in a girl? Big tits? Big ass? Good mouth? What is it?”

 _Well, generally I like personalities_ , Dan thinks, but knows that isn’t the answer to give to these types of people. Everything was physical to them. Dan settled for an in-between answer.

“I really like eyes,” he says, speaking truthfully. Eyes always captivated him, brown eyes glowing gold in the sun, green sparkling like emeralds, but what really got him were blue eyes. There was just something about them, so much hope, so much freedom in blue eyes. They were magical to Dan.

“Eyes, huh? Well, that could sure get kinky.”

Cameron laughs, high-fiving Sam. Nash is passed out drunk in the corner. Dan had taken the time to prop him up sideways to keep him safe, and covered him with a few paper towels to protect his clothes from the inevitable up-chuck to come, but wasn’t sure if he could do much else.

Cameron speaks up, his words slurred. “But for real, bro, you gotta get yourself some pussy. You’ve only got so much time left before you’re too old to get the hot ones.”

“Oh my god. Oh. My. God. I just had the best idea.” Sam’s voice is peppered with excitement, odd for him. He pulls out his phone, and types something into Google. “Here it is: ‘Professional Cuddlers’. You phone them in, and they cuddle for you for as long as you want. Dude. It would be halarious.”

Dan narrows his eyes in confusion.

“I dare you to phone one in. Oh my god it would be so funny. You have to do it.”

“I have to… call in a professional cuddler?” Dan asks, not quite grasping the joke.

“Yeah, because you’re such a fucking prude. You call ‘em in, you cuddle, and then you spill it all to us. You gotta do this. I fucking dare you.”

“I don’t really see the point.”

“The point is that there is no point! It’s just funny! Now do it, or I’ll tell Nicole you called her your leftovers.”

Shit. She would be so fucking pissed.

“I…”

A voice speaks up in Dan’s head.

 _Why not?_  it asks. _You’ve got nothing to lose, except your friends, of course._ Dan thinks about it.

“Will you quit bothering me about getting a girl if I do this?” he asks.

“Oh, hell yeah,” Sam answers.

“Alright then, hand me the phone.”

Dan searches through the profiles, trying to find someone who he finds interesting. He stops scrolling when he sees a profile picture of an eye, only an eye - no face.

Stunning.

Crystaline blue, sparkling with hints of green and gold.

Here it goes...

Dan clicks the hire button and hopes for the best.

 


	2. See You Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right as Dan decides to cancel the appointment, the person shows up, and it's not who he expected. But after an awkward start, Dan begins to enjoy this persons company, and they seem to get along well.

Dan paces anxiously in his room, checking his phone every two minutes. They said they would be here by six, and it was now a quarter till seven. Maybe they had gotten stuck in traffic or something.

Looking at his phone, Dan sees a "Cancel Request" option in the bottom corner of the cuddler's profile. He takes a deep breath, realizing that he doesn't have to go through with this. He could just stop the session before it began, then make up some story to tell the guys. Dan wasn't even sure if Sam remembered the dare; he had been so drunk when he had suggested it.

Maybe that would work, he wouldn't mention anything unless Sam brings it up, and if Sam does, he can just say she wasn't hot enough, so he told her to leave. Yeah, that would work, they would like that answer.

Just as he was about to press Cancel, a knock sounds at the door.

"Shit!"

It was actually happening. Outside his dorm was a professional cuddler. What on earth had he gotten himself into? Jesus, Dan had trouble being touched by his friends, much less by a complete stranger.

The reality of his situation hits him, and suddenly, he can't breath.

"Hello?" he hears from outside the door, in a rather husky voice.

Out of breath, he's unable to answer, and he stands, shaking in the middle of the room.

Dan realizes in horror that his door is unlocked, just as the doorknob begins to turn.

"Oh, god." Dan breaks out of his stupor and launches forward, slamming the door closed.

"Ow!" he hears from the other side, and looks down to see a blue sneaker wedged between the door and the frame.

In that moment, Dan knew, he fucked up.

"Fuck I'm so sorry, I just..."

Dan pulls the door open to find a man, with dark black hair, sporting a red flannel, standing outside. His brain struggles to compute the information. Who is this man? Is he a new student? What is he doing outside his dorm room?

"I'm Phil," the man says, a sideways smirk on his face, "Nice to meet you."

Dan looks up, ready to ask this guy what he's doing outside his room, but stops when he meets his eyes.

Blue and beautiful, flecks of colors swimming in his irises.

Dan recognizes these eyes, they're the ones in the profile picture. Slowly, Dan began to understand. He hadn't bothered to sort through the people by gender, he had somehow assumed he would just get a girl.

Stupid, so, so, stupid. Sam and his friends would never let this one die.

"You were expecting me, right?" the man asks, crinkling his brows in worry. "I can come back another time if you forgot, you're not too far away from my house. It would only be like five extra pounds for travel."

Silence.

"Erm, are you okay?"

Is he okay? That's a complex question that Dan does not have the carpet space to consider.

"Fine," Dan manages to get out, his head still spinning. How on earth does he get himself into these sorts of situations? There's a man in his doorway who is here to cuddle, and Dan has no fucking clue what to do.

Does he try to explain that he never wanted any of this? That at the very least he wanted a girl? That he actually really doesn't like to be touched?

With too much to say, he says nothing.

"It's okay, really. I know a lot of people get worried, especially if it's their first time. Did you do research on this?"

Dan shakes his head no, still struggling to fully speak. His stomach is churning, and he's having trouble breathing again.

"Alright, well, if you just let me in, I can explain what could happen tonight."

In a daze, Dan opens the door, taking a few steps back to sit on his bed.

His dorm room is simple, just a double bed, a wardrobe, and a nightstand for furniture, with a few posters hung on the walls - Muse, Radiohead, a few others. He didn't have a roommate because he preferred being alone, though he had shared a room with his younger brother at one point. Black clothing was strewn on the floor, but other than that, his room was pretty clean.

Phil takes a seat next to him on the bed, causing Dan to look up, startled. Phil leans back against the wall, looking very at peace. Unsure of what to do, Dan mirrors his position, and finds it oddly comforting.

"This here," Phil speaks up, "Is called companionship. It's a very common position for first-time cuddling."

Dan giggles before he can stop himself. "This is called 'companionship'? That's too cute."

Phil smiles, and Dan is temporarily frozen by how beautiful his smile is. Bright and genuine, it makes him want to grin as well.

"It's one of my favorites. But before we begin the actual session, I actually need you to sign a contract."

"A contract? That sounds very  _ Fifty Shades Of Grey. _ "

Oh god. Oh no. OH FUCK.

Right as the words leave his mouth, Dan wishes he could retract them. Oh god, that just made everything so awkward, like Dan was thinking they would be...

Oh no.

To his surprise, Phil laughs.

"Just the opposite, actually. Essentially, it ensures that no sexual contact happens during the session. No kissing, no stripping, and most certainly, no bondage."

Dan snorts.

"A bit harsh, isn't that? Not even platonic handcuffs?"

Dan's not sure why he feels comfortable enough to make BDSM jokes around this complete stranger, but it seems very effortless.

"Sadly, no," Phil says with a small smile. He hands Dan the contract, and Dan looks it over. It all looks pretty standard - no sexual contact, no removing clothing, no "touching in areas covered by undergarments".

"This all makes sense," Dan says, and Phil hands him a pen to sign. He signs, and suddenly, realizes that he's excited for the session. Nervous, but excited.

He sits still for a second, unsure of what to do, when Phil takes his hand. Dan starts slightly at the sudden contact, but soon intertwines his fingers with Phil's. It feels nice, comforting. He looks up into Phil's eyes and feels at peace for the first time in a long while.

"I like your duvet," Phil says. "It's like pressing a beautiful checkerboard into your eye."

"...Yes Phil, that's exactly what it's like," Dan teases, though he can see where Phil is coming from, with the grey and black squares. Feeling at ease, Dan turns sideways, laying lengthwise across the bed. Phil changes his position so he's lightly spooning Dan, and, oddly enough, Dan doesn't mind it. In fact, he finds it rather nice. 

"So, how's life at university?"

Dan pounders the question for a few seconds. Does he really want to answer it? He hasn't opened up to anybody about his true feelings, and talking about them to a complete stranger isn't something he would expect himself to do.

"I don't think my friends really care about me." 

Woah. He had just opened his mouth to say 'fine', where did these words come from? But now he had gone too far; there was no going back now.

"They treat me like a joke, they only keep me around just to laugh at. Like the other night..."

Dan launches into the story of the shot, omitting the part about Nicole. Phil listens well, running his fingers through Dan's hair when his voice begins to quake. It's a kind touch, a gentle touch, and Dan can't get enough of it. 

When Dan finished his story, Phil speaks up.

"Dan... may I ask you a question?"

"You already did."

"Oh shush. But Dan, why are you still friends with them?"

"Because I have no one else."

Phil doesn't answer right away, giving Dan time to think about what he actually just said. It's true - he hangs out with them because he's scared of being alone, and they're all he has, even though they don't truly care about him. He feels ashamed, Phil would never get himself into this sort of situation, that must be why he's so silent now. 

_ Fuck fuck fuck I fucked it u- _

"Well, they seem like big meanies. You should probably dump them into a caldron. Make a potion or something.

"Phil! A caldron?"

"Yeah! You could make a polyjuice potion, then sneak into their parents house and tell pretend to be them. You could do something really bad - like dumping a cake onto their guests head!"

"That's some Dobby shit right there, Phil, a little too advanced for me. See, I don't know how to apparate yet, so I'd have to take the blame for it once the potion wore off."

"Oh, yes, that could be a problem," Phil says with a laugh.

_ This dork, _ thinks Dan.  _ Who would have guessed that Sam would actually have a good idea? _

Dan was so glad he had called Phil. Sure, it had gotten off to an awkward start, but now he feels so much better than he has in a long while. He scoots up closer against Phil, not even fazed anymore, and rests his head on Phil's arm. There they stay for who knows how long, just resting, totally at peace. 

After a long while, Phil begins to move. 

"Hey Dan, I'm so sorry, but it's way past my time limit. I need to get going."

Dan rises and stretches. He doesn't want the time to end, but he's kept Phil probably hours over the allotted time, which isn't at all fair to him. He hands Phil the money that Sam had given him while he was drunk, amazed at how well everything went.

"Oh okay. Do I pay you for the extra time?"

"Don't worry about it. I didn't have anything planned for tonight, and I enjoyed talking to you."

_ He enjoyed talking to me?  _

Dan can't believe it. Someone actually enjoyed his company. 

Sparked with confidence, Dan manages to ask, "Would it be absolutely ludicrous to request you again sometime?"

Phil smiles, and Dan is reminded just how beautiful it is. 

"Not at all, I would enjoy that quite a lot. See you soon?"

"See you soon," Dan says with a smile. 

And with that, Phil closes the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeek fanfic writing is so hard, props to y'all who are good at it!  
> I've made a lot of references to Dans past, and I promise I will be explaining some of them soon.  
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a terrible memory Dan has tried so hard to repress resurfaces, Dan needs someone to talk to. Luckily, Phil is free this evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR RAPE TRIGGER WARNING - an event towards the beginning triggers a flashback for Dan, and panic ensues. If you think this will hurt you, read up to when Nicole comes in, then skip to the second line divider.   
> Thank you for reading, and please let me know if you have any suggestions!

Trapped in a headlock, Dan knows he has only seconds to come up with a story about last night.

_ Oh god, what do I say? _

“C’mon mate, spill!” Sam says, tightening his grip around Dan’s neck. “Did you fuck her? That was the whole reason why I dared you to call a cuddler, to make up for what I stole from you, so did ya?”

“If you let go of me, I’ll tell you!” Dan manages to get out.

“Alright mate,” Sam says with a laugh, roughly pushing Dan away from him. Dan takes a second to straighten out his dark grey shirt and fix his mussed hair.

“She wasn’t hot enough,” he begins, disgusted by every word he says. It’s not like him to say stuff like this, and he hates the person he becomes around Sam: judgemental and objectifying. “I can’t fuck a girl if she isn’t at least a six, right?”

“Well mate, with your looks, you might have to learn to settle,” Sam shoots back. “But whatever. I’m sorry, I’ll try to find you someone else.”

“It’s fine. I’m good.”

“Bought a large thing of vaseline, did you? Good thinking.”

Dan blushes, and wants more than anything to get out of Sam’s dorm room. He has homework to do, and wouldn’t mind a good night's sleep before his eight am lecture tomorrow. 

Just as he’s planning to excuse himself, the dorm room opens.

“Hey babe! Oh, Dan, you’re here too.”

Dan cringes at the voice. 

Nicole. 

She looks drunk, and Dan briefly remembers talk of a party on campus. He didn’t go- parties weren’t his thing- but Nicole loves them. He’d been dragged to more than he would like to think about on her watch. 

“You know what?” she says, her voice slightly slurred, tripping over words. “This is probably good. We should talk, Dan, you and I.”

“I’ll… give you two some space,” Sam says, noticeably winking at Dan. 

“She’s drunk,” he mouths to Dan with a sly smile, before leaving the room. 

Dan shutters at Sam, and turns to face Nicole. She looks at him with dreamy eyes, no doubt from the alcohol. 

“I’m very sorry Dan,” she says, her words hard to understand because of the slurring. “You’re nice, but not very physical. I need physical. I thought you might be okay with an open relationship.”

“It’s okay Nicole, I understand.”

Dan hopes to cut Nicole off before she says something she’ll regret sober. Sure, he’s a little salty towards her, but he’s mostly over it. He understands, he didn’t want to get physical, and tried to let Nicole know early on, so it makes sense she would do what she did. It doesn’t mean he’s okay with it, but he understands.

“But Dan, I would take you back in a heartbeat. If you just…” She places her hand on Dan’s thigh, slowly moving her hand up. He jumps back, trying to push her away, but she climbs on top of him, holding him down. 

She kisses him, roughly, and Dan has to hold back the urge to puke. 

He does not want this. 

He does  _ not  _ want this.

He does  _ NOT  _ want this. 

She stops kissing him to unbutton his jeans, and a spike of adrenaline sends Dan into motion. He bucks his hips to throw her off him, and pushes her to the ground. She looks at him with a look of raw confusion, so unaware of the fact that he might not have wanted that. 

“S-s-stay away from me,” Dan chokes out, and sprints for the door.

He’s hyperventilating, and his pants keep sliding down as he runs for his dorm room. Still, he runs on, not stopping until his door is slammed shut behind him. 

The memories flood in, jagged flashes that he’s tried so hard to suppress.

* * *

 

His babysitter, a good three years older than him, handing him a glass of what he thought was water.

A blurry outline of her, leaning over him as he struggles to say no.

Sensations that he’s never felt before, horribly good.

“Don’t tell your parents about this,” she whispers into his ear, “You don’t want them to think you’ve been a bad boy, do you?”

Whimpering into his pillow.

Closing himself off, not talking to his friends for weeks. 

Staying absolutely silent for the entire first day of secondary school.

Parents worrying, but not making much of an effort to talk to him.

Sleepless nights.

Wakeless days. 

Forever trapped in a helpless haze.

* * *

Dan throws himself onto his bed, trying to drown himself out with music, turning up Muse as loud as he can.

He thought he was doing better. He thought he was getting over it all. But this isn’t something he can just get over. It’s something that will haunt him his entire life, a secret that will never escape him.

He can’t tell anyone. They won’t believe him, or if they do, they’ll say he should have fought back. He’s ashamed that he didn’t. He’s ashamed of it all.

~ _ It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life~ _

The lyrics taunt him, and he rips his headphones off. He needs to do something, he needs something to distract him.

He checks the time. 

Nearly 10. He unlocks his phone, pulling up the website he first found Phil on. 

_ Please please please _ , he prays, searching desperately for a number to call. 

To his utter surprise, there is one for Phil. 

Already feeling guilty, he texts it.

**-Hey Phil, it’s Dan. I don’t know if you remember me, but I was one of your clients** **two days ago. Are you busy right now?**

** -** Hey Dan, it's Phil. I'm not busy right now, can I help you with something?

He responded. Dan can't believe it. He doesn't want to bother him, but he really needs someone right now.

    **-Is it too late to request you now?**

**-** Not at all. I'll be over in ten minutes.

Dan tries his best to wipe the tears from his eyes, but they just keep coming. They don't stop, not even when he hears a knock at the door. He dabs at them with his sleeve, and goes to open the door.

"Hi D- Dan? Are you okay?" 

Dan starts to nod, but it turns into a shake of the head. 

"What's wrong?" Phil asks, worry clear in his voice. 

"I just need a friend," Dan says, ashamed at how helpless he sounds.

"Oh. Well, I'm here. Want to hear an animal fact?"

Dan chokes on a laugh, and sits down on his bed. 

"Hit me."

Phil sits down on the bed next to him, taking the same position as the first time - companionship, he called it.

He turns to Dan, "Did you know that otters hold hands while they sleep to keep from drifting apart?" he asks, lacing his fingers with Dan's. Dan flinches at the touch, and Phil pulls his hand away, not forcing Dan to do anything he doesn't want to. 

"That's pretty cute," Dan says, grateful that Phil didn't question his flinching. "Got any others?" 

"Cows produce rainbow poop," Phil says seriously.

"No they don't!"

"Are you calling 'bullshit' on that fact?"

It takes a second for the joke to hit him.

"Get out. LEave the room, right now!"

"Aww c'mon, I thought that was pretty good."

"Want to hear another animal fact?" Dan asks Phil. Not giving him a chance to respond, he says, "It seems donkeys and black haired dudes in flannels share similar qualities, because they're both _arses_!"

"Hey! Well, Donkeys are known for being very intelligent, so I take that as a compliment!"

"You're like the donkey to my Shrek," Dan says with a sigh, laughing.

"Well, you do look a little like him," Phil says with a grin, his tongue poking out between his teeth.

"It's actually an honor to be compared to our ogrelord."

"I think all this punning should be ogre."

"You started it."

The boys lie back, and Dan rests his head on Phil's shoulder. They lay there for a long while, silent in thought. 

"Thank you for coming over," Dan speaks up. "Really."

"No problem, it's nice to see you again. Are you feeling any better?"

"Loads. Thank you."

"Of course," Phil says, smiling. "Tell you what, you have my phone number, feel free to text me any time for more animal facts. Maybe we can hang out sometime, you know, outside of this."

It's all Dan can do to keep from grinning like an idiot. A friend wants to hang out with him! He has someone who actually enjoys his company! The feeling is so new, so foreign, that he doesn't quite know how to respond. 

"Y-y-yeah, I'd love that."

Dan hops up from his bed, and walks over to his jacket to pull out his wallet. He hands Phil the appropriate sum of money, plus the biggest tip he can manage as a college student. Phil thanks him graciously.

"See you soon?" Phil asks, a repetition of last time.

"See you soon."


	4. Moonrise

It’s all Dan can do to keep from texting Phil the very next day. Every time he pulls out his phone to check the time or take a picture, his fingers itch for the little green icon at the top of the screen.

But as much as Dan wants to talk to Phil, he decides to wait, at least for a little while. He’s contacted Phil twice in the past two days, and though Phil has seemed very kind about it, Dan doesn’t want to bother him too much. He probably has his own life, and besides, Dan has plenty of schoolwork to do.

Just as he’s about to open a textbook, his phone buzzes.

He reaches for it, excited. Maybe Phil decided to text him!

  -Yo Dan, were goin clubbing 2nite & I need ur scrawny ass to b my wingman. b ready at 6

Dan’s heart sinks. Sam, not Phil.

The minutes tick by as Dan tries to decide how to respond. He doesn’t want to go clubbing- not in the slightest- but Sam didn’t phrase it as a request. It was a clear order; you’re coming, you don’t have a choice.

  - **Can’t, I’ve got a date. Sorry.**

Dan holds his breath, hoping against hope that Sam won’t flip out. He’s never said no to him before, he doesn’t know what to expect.

  -whetevs. more 4 me then

It worked. At least, Dan hoped it worked. Sam didn’t seem too pissed, maybe it’ll all turn out okay.

* * *

 Dan wakes up the next morning- Saturday- with a sense of optimism that’s rare for him.

Maybe it’s the sun streaming in through the window, a rarity in February, or the fact that he doesn’t have class for two whole days. All good things to be happy about, but if he’s being absolutely honest with himself, his happiness is coming from a person.

Phil.

Dan pulls out his phone, deciding now would be an appropriate time to text him. It had been pure torture waiting, though it was only for 30 hours, tops.

  - **Hi Phil! Got any plans for today? There’s a new coffee shop on Brunswick I’ve been dying to try out.**

  -Hey Dan! You had me at coffee :) See you in twenty!

Dan squeals, then starts, looking around his dorm room, as if afraid someone heard him. It was happening! He was having coffee with a friend! He has a friend!!

Though his closet lacks significantly in color, Dan manages to find a white and red totoro shirt. Phil, it seems, called for colour.

* * *

The coffee shop, Dan finds, is quaint, with old sofas and rustic furnishings. The mood is calming, the people there not seeming in any rush to get anywhere.

Dan orders his usual- espresso, and takes a seat by the window facing the sun, lighting up the round wooden table. Not wanting to appear too eager, Dan pulls out his phone, glancing up every minute or so for Phil to arrive.

Minutes tick by and Dan begins to stress.

_Fuck fuck fuck what did I do wrong? Did he go to the wrong coffeehouse? I don’t think there’s more than one around here, but maybe? Oh god, what if I scared him off? I probably did, he’s not gonna come now, he’s not gonna-_

“Hey Dan!”

Dan looks up to see a pair of eyes, brilliantly blue in the sunlight.

“Phil! Hi!”

“So sorry I was late, a squirrel attacked me on the way over here!”

“Phil. A squirrel?”

“Yes! A squirrel! I swear it could smell the crumpets I had this morning!”

“That would only happen to you.”

Dan smiles, wondering why he was so stressed out about meeting Phil. He’s so easy to talk to, which, for an introvert, is truly a blessing.

A barista calls out Phil’s name- he must have ordered while Dan wasn’t paying attention- and Phil runs to get it. Dan laughs at the mountain of whipped cream at the top.

“What did you get?”

“Triple chocolate mocha, with extra whipped cream. And chocolate sauce. And chocolate sprinkles.”

“Hmm… could you favorite flavour possibly be chocolate?”

“No, no of course not. What did you get?”

“Espresso?”

“Bor-ing. You didn’t even get whipped cream!”

“Well you got enough for both of us.”

“Good point. Here, have some.”

Phil plops a spoonful of whipped cream into Dan’s coffee, causing a bit to slosh out onto the coffee table. Phil mops it up, taking a seat as he does so.

“So how have you been?” Phil beings, taking a sip of his mocha.

“Oh it’s been ages since I saw you last, I’ve done loads,” Dan says, the sarcasm nearly palpable. “Joking. I caught up on homework and watched some anime.”

“Speaking of which, I love your shirt! That was my favorite movie when I was younger!”

“It’s still my favorite movie now,” Dan says with a smile. “Hey, do you mind if I ask you a slightly weird question?”

Phil looks up at Dan, a playful glint in his eyes. “How weird is weird?”

“Not  _weirrrd_. At least, not excessively.

“Then go right ahead.”

With his permission, Dan asks a question that has been gnawing at him for the past few days.

“Do you have another job outside of this? Or are you only a professional cuddler?”

Phil takes a long sip of his drink, as if he was pondering the question, looking for the right answer. “I have another job, it’s just... slightly… odd.”

Dan raises his eyebrows.

“Like, ‘dog food tester’ kind of odd?”

“Not quite. I make videos of myself in my bedroom. Wait, that sounded bad.”

Dan bursts out laughing. “Care to rephrase?” he says, teasing.

“Well, there’s this thing, it’s called YouTube, where people make videos of themselves, mostly talking about things that have happened to them, but sometimes other things, and people can watch them.”

“Oh.”

Dan thought he had heard of YouTube, something about cats maybe? It sounded interesting, but he hadn’t given it a lot of thought.

To his surprise, Phil buries his face in his hands.

“I knew it would sound weird, I’m so sorry if I scared you off. I swear it’s not as creepy as I made it seem.” He spreads his fingers, peeking up at Dan from between the gaps

“No no no, that’s not what I thought at all!” Dan says truthfully. “I’ll have to check you out!”

Phil giggled, pulling his hands away from his face, and Dan suddenly realized how damn beautiful this boy was. He was like the sun, lovely and bright, whereas Dan was like the moon, distant and useless. No one looks forward to the moonrise, and no one ever notices when it sets.

“Just promise me you won’t go looking for my old videos, they’re absolutely terrible! 50% of them are me saying ‘ace’ in a northern accent.”

“That sounds pretty ace,” Dan says, doing his best impersonation of a northern accent.

“Shut up!”

“Shutting up.”

They laugh softly, both taking a sip of their drink, maintaining eye contact as they do so, causing them to giggle more.

_Is this what having a friend feels like? Because it’s fantastic._

“Anyway, speaking of anime…” Phil pipes up, launching into a new show he had started watching, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Dan joins right in, having seen the first three episodes- “no spoilers Phil!”.

* * *

“L and Light are totally together! You can just see it in their eyes!”

“What, you mean their glassy, hyper-reflective anime eyes? Phil, you can’t see anything in anime eyes!”

“Yeah, I guess anime eyes are just too beautiful. Could you imagine me with anime eyes?”

“I like your eyes better, personally,” Dan says, smiling, remembering that it was Phil’s eyes that caused them to meet.

Phil giggles again. “Thanks, Dan,” he says, and Dan is surprised by the softness of his voice. So gentle, so kind.

Suddenly, Phil takes Dan’s hand, leaning towards him, his eyes fluttering closed.

A rush of emotion floods Dan, shock, anticipation, and then, out of nowhere, sheer panic.

He jerks back, causing his coffee to splash once more. Phil eyes open quickly, dilating in fear.

“Dan? Are you okay? I’m so sorr-”

“I gotta go. Don’t worry about it.”

Dan stands up rapidly, and rushes from the cafe, leaving Phil confused and guilty, alone at the table.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I'm sorry for the sad cliffhanger! It'll turn out okay, don't worry!
> 
> BIG IMPORTANT QUESTION: are you okay with some Phil POV? I feel like I need to explain his story more, but I can work around it if you don't want any Phil POV.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!


	5. That Sounded More Poetic in my Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Told in both Phil and Dan POV, this one is mostly just setting up for the next chapter

**PHIL POV**

“See you soon?”

The words hang on the tip of Phil’s tongue, too late to be said. He sits there, silently after Dan leaves, his insides crumbling with every motion he makes.

_Why did I have to do that? Why did I try to kiss him? I messed it all up._

The sunlight fades as time draws on, and Phil watches as people slowly trickle from the cafe.

There goes the lady with hair like Albert Einstein. The guy who was clearly a businessman, probably working on his next big project. A girl and her mom, the daughter begging for just one last cookie. The latter makes Phil smile sadly; kids.

When the final customer finally leaves, Phil works up his courage, and forces himself from his chair, compelling his legs to move, one step at a time. Outside of the cafe, he sees the college campus, and looks in the direction of Dan’s dorm.

There’s no point in going there. He’s messed it all up.

* * *

Phil knew he was screwed from the first moment he laid eyes on Dan. His contract said very specifically that he was nothing more than a companion to his client, but something about Dan made him wish that contract didn’t exist.

Maybe it was his adorable, flustered face after he slammed the door on Phil’s foot. Maybe it was beautiful brown eyes that seemed to glow even in the dim room. Maybe it was his tendency to tease Phil, but always in the kindest way. No matter what it was, Phil fell for him.

Hard.

It probably didn’t help that Phil didn’t have many other friends. He lived alone, and spent most of his time online. He had taken up the cuddling to help pay his rent, as YouTube didn’t pay nearly enough, but found that it didn’t get as much business as he had hoped.

But meeting Dan, that had made it all worth it.

Of course, now Phil had messed it all up, and probably ruined his chances of spending any more time with Dan, the one person he thought he might have a real connection with.

He had to scare him off by trying to kiss him, why had he just assumed Dan was gay? That’s surely why Dan freaked out, there would be no other…

A flashback comes, in Dan’s room, Phil reaches out his hand, Dan pulls away, though he had been okay with it the first time.

_Oh no._

Phil breaks into a run towards Dan.

* * *

**DAN POV**

Dan lays facedown on the carpet, shirt off to keep from overheating, face pressed against the rough, abrasive nylon.

_Why do I always fuck up like this? Why did I run the fuck away? Jesus, I’m such a fucking looser._

Why did he run away?

Dan would like to say it was surprise - he wasn’t expecting Phil to lean over the table out of nowhere, and it certainly shocked him, but he knows that’s not all true. No, this ran much deeper. This went all the way back to that night, so many years ago.

_How fucking pathetic. It had been years, and I still haven’t gotten over it. I’m a waste._

And then there's the whole "boy" part of it. Sure, Dan's known he's gay for nearly his whole life, but never came out to anyone more than his parents. It's still something he stays in denial about, telling himself that he'll just do it "at a better time. 

_Maybe I'm ready now._

 

Dan doesn’t even have time to process the thought before a knocking sounds at his door. Great. A visit from Sam was just what he needed right now.

Without the strength to resist, Dan calls, “Come in.”

The door opens, Dan not turning his head to look. He doesn’t even care any more, why should it matter if Sam sees him like this? It’s not like he could treat him any worse.

“Are you okay, Dan?” he hears.

_Fuck._

_Oh fuck._

Dan turns his head sideways, carpet scraping his cheek, pathetically looking up at Phil, expecting a furious face.

Instead, he finds Phil looking down on him kindly, though with a tinge of surprise.

Why would he be looking surprised?

_OH FUCK._

His shirt, or lackthereof.

“Should I come back in a second?” Phil says nervously, but with a sideways smile.

Dan comes to life, stuttering. “N-no it’s fine. I’ll just put on a shirt.”

He’s trying so hard to act normal, but in reality, Dan’s head is spinning to no end. He sits up, reaching for a black oversized sweater on the floor, the totoro shirt having been tossed to the other corner of the room during a spike of embarrassment-based heat.

Phil kneels to meet Dan’s eye-level. He doesn’t speak, although it looks like he wants to, he’s just finding the right words.

“Dan I’m sor-”

And Dan simply cannot stand watching Phil apologize. He leans forward, opening his arms, and envelopes Phil in a bone crushing hug. Tears are brimming in his eyes when he pulls away.

“Thank you for being here.”

“Thank you for letting me be here. With you. That sounded more poetic in my head.”

Dan laughs, wiping his eyes with his sweater paws.

“I’m sorry I ran away. I just…”

But he can’t say it. The words play over in his head, his tongue refusing to cooperate, his lips never parting.

Phil seems to sense this.

“Want to hear another animal fact? Turtles can breath through their butts.”

Dan looks up at him, smiling.

“You fucking nerd.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't really map out the entire story when I started writing, and this is about where I got to when I was planning, meaning the story could go really anywhere from here. If you have any suggestions, please let me know!  
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


	6. Lively Nights and Pillow Fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I'm so bad at writing chapter summaries, basically this chapter just picks up right where it left off, this time from Dan's point of view. Lots of cute fluff, and maybe a teeeeny bit of smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)?
> 
> Also there's another mention of Dan's past that could be potentially triggering. The words around it are bolded, so skip through them if they could be harmful. Stay safe friends!

It’s three am, and Dan is amazed Phil isn’t falling asleep. He’s been ranting for the past half-hour about space, how it’s such a perfect metaphor for every aspect of life, and Phil hasn’t shown one sign of drowsiness. He’s even added to the conversation, which is new to Dan, as he’s so used to thinking all these thoughts privately.

“Think about it! There are planets out there - whole worlds out there - that you and I will never be able to see! Someday someone might, and find out everything there is to know about them, but we’ll never know anything other than the world we were brought into.”

Phil smiles. “Well, why not imagine something else?”

Dan stops. This isn’t what he’s used to.

“Something else?” he asks.

“Yeah! Like, a world where everything is made of chocolates and lollies! Think of all the licking you could do!”

Dan facepalms, but can’t help laughing. “Phil. A world made of candy? Really?”

“I think it would be really ‘sweet’!”

The pun sinks in.

“That physically hurt,” Dan whines, playfully shoving Phil.

“But c’mon! What would your world be like?”

Dan stops, actually pondering the question for a minute. He wants to make a joke - maybe saying that he imagines his world as a black hole because it represents him emotionally - but this question holds a lot of meaning behind it. He doesn’t want to just joke it away.

“I think it’s impossible to create a new world, because it would all be based off what we know about ours. It would be like trying to imagine a new color.”

“That sounds very late-night-convo, Dan,” Phil says with a laugh.

“If you haven’t noticed, it’s three am, Phil.”

“I did notice. You’re such a bad influence on me! My bedtime is normally like eleven.”

“I guess you’re breaking the rules for me,” Dan says, rolling on his bed so his head is in Phil’s lap, looking up into his bright blue eyes. Phil, ever the cuddler, runs his hand through Dan’s slightly curled hair, a calming motion.

“Phil. Big important question.”

“Yes?”

“Do you believe in dragons?”

Phil giggles, ruffling Dan’s hair. “Of course I do, I am one! Call me Philgon.”

“Okay, Philgon,” Dan says, rolling his eyes in amusement.

“Dan. May I ask you a big important question as well?” Phil’s voice, which started off as playful, has dropped very low, very soft. Most certainly, Phil won’t be asking a fake-important question.

“Sure?”

“Did someone hurt you?”

The words hang in the air, threatening to choke Dan. This is it. This is the question he vowed he would never answer. The secret that would never escape his lips. He was unable to say it before, when the ever-unveiling curse of night didn’t plague his thoughts, but now, at three am, and at Phil’s request, the question seems answerable.

Dan takes the plunge.

 **“Yes,”** he breathes out. “They did.” Once he’s started, he finds it easier to continue.  “I was twelve. My babysitter… I couldn’t do anything. She had all the power, I had nothing.”

Phil exhales slowly, still gently running his hands through Dan’s hair, coaxing out the rest of the story.

“I stopped talking after that. It stole the life from me. I was freaking twelve, you know? How fucked up is that?”

The tears are coming, hot and angry, flowing from Dan’s eyes. Dan sits up to wipe them for the umptenth time tonight.

“And the worst part? It felt _good_. I wanted more than anything for it to stop, but a part of me enjoyed it. That’s what hurt me the worst. Part of me enjoyed it, and there’s nothing I can say to deny it. I’m… I’m fucking worthless.”

Finally, Dan pulls his eyes from his lap, where they’ve been focused this whole time. He’s terrified of what Phil’s expression will hold. Disgust? Fear? Pity?

But, to his surprise, Phil is unreadable. No matter how hard Dan tries, he can’t figure out what Phil is thinking in this moment. He’s looking into Dan’s eyes intently, and Dan finds it hard to maintain eye-contact.

“I’m sorry someone did that to you, Dan,” Phil says quietly, and now Dan can read him a little better. His voice is sad, but not pitying, with an undertone of anger.

Dan just sits there. He doesn’t regret sharing, he’s glad it’s finally out, but this isn’t how he thought Phil would react. Actually, he didn’t know how he would want Phil to react. Maybe he just has to accept that Phil will never truly understand, but know that he’s still there for **him.**

They sit there for a while, communicating without talking. Phil nudges Dan with his shoulder, and Dan turns to look at him.

“Dan? May I hug you?”

Dan rolls his eyes.

“Of course you can hug me, dork.”

Phil does, and Dan is surprised by the intensity of it. It’s like Phil is trying to convey without words how much he cares about Dan, and Dan’s touched by it. He hugs him back, wondering _how on earth did I get lucky enough to meet this loser?_

When they finally let go of each other, a question slips from between Dan’s lips.

“Hey Phil, it’s super late. Do you want to just stay the night here?”

Phil’s face lights up. “Oh gosh yes please. I was dreading driving home at three am with all the drunk college students roaming around. It would be like driving on a mountain with deer all over the road.”

Dan laughs. “Like the scene in Polar Express!”

“Awww that’s a good movie. Now I want to watch it!”

“Philll…” Dan says, dragging out his name. “It’s nearly March!”

“You’re right. I’m getting inappropriately festive, I should go eat a four leaf clover!”

Dan’s glad Phil took what he told him in stride. He’d hate it if Phil treated him like a wounded creature, if he didn’t focus on anything else.

“It’s getting really late, wanna go to bed?” he asks.

Phil grins at him.

“Sure, I don’t have any jim jams though.”

Dan laughs at Phil’s choice of word for pajamas.

“I’ve got plaid or Star Wars. Take your pick!”

“Star Wars, of course!”

Dan tosses him the pair, and takes out his phone, waiting for Phil to finish changing. Dan was already wearing sweats and a sweater, and because he is rather self-conscious, he decides those are good enough.

“I bet I could fight Darth Vader in these jim jams!” Phil says when he’s changed. “He wouldn’t even know _what_ to think.”

Dan shakes his head in amusement. This man is older than him. What a nerd.

“Yeah, you could fight him. You couldn’t beat him though.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I took sword lessons as a kid, I was quite good with my lightsaber.”

“Was?” Dan snorts at the innuendo, but it seems to go over Phil’s head.

“I’m still really good!”

“Oh yeah? Prove it!”

Dan throws Phil a paper towel tube that had fallen from his slightly-too-full garbage bin. He himself picks up an empty cereal box, ripping off a side and folding it to look like the towel tube.

“On guard!”

Phil snaps into a surprisingly confident fighting stance, causing Dan to raise his eyebrows; normally Phil has such poor posture.

He swings playfully, and Dan raises his weapon to block it. Dan retaliates by booping Phil multiple times on the head. While he’s unguarded, Phil pokes him in the stomach.

“Oh yeah?”

Dan pokes again at Phil, but Phil deflects the blow and hits Dan on the hip.

“Ow!” Dan whines, though it didn’t really hurt. “Take this!”

Dan drops his cardboard stick and picks up his pillow, holding onto the end of the black checkered pillowcase. He swings at Phil and misses, Phil grabbing the pillow from his hands and bringing it down lightly on his head.

“Hey!”

Not wanting to lose to Phil, Dan rips the comforter off his bed and tosses it over Phil’s entire body. While he’s distracted, Dan tackles him, causing them to both stumble harmlessly onto the bed. Dan climbs on top of Phil, straddling him, and raises the pillow Phil just dropped.

Phil peeks from under the blanket and Dan strikes, bashing him softly on the forehead.

“Okay okay you won!” Phil laughs, and Dan throws the pillow to the side.

He looks down at Phil situated underneath him. He’s grinning, his sleepy eyes still shining bright, the top button of his pajama shirt unbuttoned from the fight. He looks so beautiful.

Phil meets his eyes and time slows.

For the second time tonight, Dan takes a chance.

He leans down, taking Phil’s cheek in his hands, and kisses him.

Softly. Then, not so.

Phil leans upward, responding to the kiss. They pass control back and forth, intensity building as the seconds draw on.

When they finally come up for air, they’re both breathing heavily.

“God you’re beautiful,” Phil says in a low voice, so different from his bubbly tone, but _so_ much hotter. In that moment, Dan wants everything, he wants Phil’s hands everywhere on him, but deep down he knows that he’s just not ready yet. Hopefully Phil won’t be angry about this.

“Phil, you’re amazing and I care so much about you,” Dan says quickly, the words spilling together. “I just- I’m not-”

Phil smiles, and kisses Dan lightly on the forehead.

“It’s fine, Dan. I understand, no pressure at all. Want to cuddle?”

Dan sighs, sinking into Phil in relief. He simply cannot believe his luck. How could anyone be this perfect and still want to be with _him?_

He curls up against Phil, and Phil puts his arm over him.

“Goodnight, bear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh what did you think?? Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out, I was struggling with writers block this week but I finally got it together. 
> 
> ANOTHER BIG IMPORTANT QUESTION: smut. Do you guys want it? I kinda held off because it didn't fit in with the storyline at all, but now it's kind of progressed to where it could happen. ALSO: as you may have guessed, I'm not really a good smut writer, I feel a little weird writing it (even though I love reading it ???). Would anyone be interested in co-writing that aspect of it if other people did want smut?
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


	7. Casual Banter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil decides to take Dan on a date.

Hours after Dan’s breathing flattens and eases into a pattern, Phil lies awake, thinking.

His arm is wrapped tightly around Dan, as if he is protecting him. Really, Phil just wants to make sure he’s still there.

He had always suspected something about Dan was a little different, he was rather reserved and shy, but Phil just figured that was the way he was. Some people were just like that, but it had confused Phil because Dan was so different when Phil got to know him.

It all made sense now; Dan’s fear, Dan’s aloofness, Dan’s reluctance to be touched.

Part of Phil just wanted to sob, who the _frick_ would do this to him? Dan doesn’t deserve this, not at all. Another part of Phil wants to scream, to fight, to be violent, a side that so rarely arises. Normally Phil would never hurt a fly, or he would at least feel very bad if he accidentally stepped onto one. But a small part of him wants to find this person who hurt Dan and hurt them in return.

But the final part of Phil knows all of those feelings are useless. Dan wouldn’t appreciate either of them. Besides, they’re just wrong; Phil shouldn’t be crying for something he can never fully understand, and violence should never be the answer. The best thing he can do is just be there for Dan.

What can he do to show Dan how much he cares for him?

He could buy him some sort of gift, but that seems rather shallow, as if material possessions could somehow heal an open wound.

No, the only thing that heals wounds are care and time.

Maybe Phil could take him on a fun date - not just a coffee shop; yeah, that’s a good idea!

Phil begins scheming, trying to think of places both he and Dan would enjoy.

A theme park? No, too hectic. A museum? Too boring. A movie? That might be fun, but then they wouldn’t get to talk!

_Think Phil, think!_

An idea blooms, and Phil’s stunned he didn’t think of it before. It’ll be perfect!

* * *

 “Da-an! Wake u-up!”

Dan hears a singsong voice sifting through his dreams. He opens his eyes, hazily, and tries his best to focus.

“Dan, I thought I was bad, but you’re practically a sloth!”

A pair of blue eyes are smiling down at him, black fringe tickling his nose.

“Philll. What time is it?”

“Half past noon.”

The words don’t quite connect in his half asleep brain.

“Half past… Half past… Wow.”

“Wow indeed. I slept in super late for me, and still had time to get you a pastry from that coffee shop.”

Dan wipes the sleep from his eyes, happy to see the sun shining through his window.

“Lovely day,” he offers.

“It is lovely. And we’re gonna make the most of it! Eat up and get dressed, I’ve got a big day planned for us!”

Dan rises, and reaches for a black t-shirt hanging off a hanger, along with a pair of black skinny jeans. He changes quickly, then turns to retrieve the pastry from Phil.

“Oh my god,” Dan says, slightly moaning. “This is AMaZing!”

Phil laughs.

“Chocolate scone! I thought you might like it!”

Crumbs fall from Dan’s mouth as he inhales the pastry. He notices a coffee cup on the table, the name _Dan_ written on it.

“I also got you a hot chocolate, but you’ll have to drink it on the road. It’s a bit of a long drive to where we’re going.”

“Let me get this straight: you’ve planned this whole excursion that I know absolutely nothing about, and I’m just supposed to trust you?”

“Yes!”

Phil seems so eager, so innocent, and Dan knows he has nothing to fear.

“Alright nerd.” Dan takes a swig of his hot chocolate. “I’m ready.”

* * *

 " _Don't leave me highhhhhh..."_

“Philll it’s been ages! My hot chocolate is now lukewarm chocolate, and we’ve heard this song twice!”

“ _Don’t leave me dry-yyyyyy…_ ” Phil sings on, ignoring Dan.

Dan cocks his head, listening to Phil sing. 

“You’re quite a good singer,” he says, offering up a rare compliment.

Phil stops singing to respond. “It would sound even better if you joined in.”

Dan smiles slightly.

“I don’t sing.”

“So you just listen?”

After hesitating for a half second, Dan decides to spill something he doesn’t tell many people.

“Actually, I play piano. I’m rubbish though.”

He catches Phil’s smile in the rearview mirror, brighter that the sun reflecting on the roof of the car.

“ _Sure you are_ ,” Phil says sarcastically. He turns down the radio slightly, meeting Dan’s eyes. Unlike before, Dan’s eyes don’t flutter away when Phil’s fall on his. Phil gives him a sideways smile before returning his eyes to the road.

“So are you ever going to tell me where we’re going?”

“That would ruin the surprise! Want to play 'I spy'?”

“I spy with my little eye a giant FREAKING nerd!”

“Did you look in the mirror?” Phil says, a smile tugging at his lips.

“You-”

Dan punches Phil lightly on the arm, laughing at the zing.

Part of him doesn’t ever want to arrive, he so enjoys this type of casual banter. Another part of him can’t wait to find out what Phil has planned.

They drive on, occasionally commenting on something of interest - a deer on the side of the road, a huge dog park.

“Why do they have dog parks but not human parks?” Phil asks.

Dan blinks slowly.

“Have you forgotten about literal parks, Phil?”

“No but-” Phil thinks for a second. “But human parks are so lame. We all pretend not to know each other, but dogs just go right up and sniff each others butts!”

“Not my preferred method of greeting,” Dan says with a laugh. “Would you prefer humans wear collars all the time too?” he asks, his eyebrows raised, smirking.

“Yes! Then we wouldn’t have to bother asking names!”

Dan chuckles. “You’re hopeless.”

A spur of valor comes over Dan, and he leans over to kiss Phil on the cheek. When he pulls away, he sees a warm blush spreading over Phil’s ivory cheeks.

“And you’re cute.”

“M’not cute,” Dan mutters under his breath, though his cheeks are warming up to match Phil’s.

“Of course you are, bear. And guess what! We’re here!”

Dan looks up, sees the sign, and a warm smile lights up his face. This is going to be a great day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack I'm so sorry this took so long to post! I've been super super busy recently, but I think this week will be much more chill.
> 
> Anyways, what did you think? Do you have any ideas about where they might be? (hint: it's a 39 mile drive from University of Manchester)
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	8. Waxing Crescent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute little phan date doing cute little phan things. No warnings!

“Phil that’s a motherfucking giraffe! Look how fucking close it is!” Dan shouts excitedly.

They’re at Knowsley Safari Park, right outside the giraffe cages.

“Dan don’t swear, there could be little babies listening!” Phil scolds, grinning.

“Shit! I mean… nope that’s exactly what I mean. I won’t swear anymore. I swear.”

“Don’t swear.”

“I swear I won’t.”

They make eye-contact and burst out laughing. Dan boldly slips his hand into Phil’s and pulls him closer to the giraffe cage.

“Look at their black tongues,” Dan says, observing a shorter giraffe nibble on hanging leaves. “They’re so strange.”

“I have a theory that giraffes are secretly aliens, you know.”

“Phil.” Dan pauses for a second, trying to think of a viable reason for why that’s not true.

He can’t think of any.

“I guess, if any animals were secretly aliens, it would certainly be giraffes. They’re so weird looking.”

“Hey! Don’t judge them for being different.”

“I wasn’t saying it’s a bad thing, being weird it great. As demonstrated by you.” Dan squeezes Phil’s hand to show his adoration.

Phil squeezes Dan’s hand back. “Let’s go look at the Elephants!”

They meander over, not in any hurry. Phil points out the train passing by, tooting at them as they walk on.

“I’ve always thought being a train conductor would be fun. You could blow the whistle whenever you like,” Phil says enthusiastically.

“Personally I’d blow it every time I passed by someone I don’t like.”

“Dan! I’d sound it whenever I saw a kid watching the train. I loved it when the train honked at me.”

“Oh Phil. You and your morally correctness. Jesus, you’re like Winnie the fucking Pooh.”

Phil grins back at Dan. “Oh bother. Well, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”

Dan grins back. “Well, I’m not really yearning to be covered in flies, Phil. Although, don’t flies normally flock to human waste? I’m surprised I’m not covered.”

He had intended for it to be a joke, be it a bit self deprecating. He had meant it to be funny.

“You”, Phil drops his hand, and puts both his hands on Dan’s shoulder, looking him right in the eye, “Are _not_ human waste.”

He says it so seriously that Dan is taken aback.

“I… Thank you Phil.”

“Silly bear.”

And they move on. Phil doesn’t reprimand him for the joke, he just keeps going. Dan is incredibly thankful, a drawn out conversation would have been the exact opposite of what he needed. Phil just had this way about him, where the less said, the more understood.

They wander around the park for hours, Phil constantly enthralled by the animals, Dan in amusement at both the animals, and Phil’s reaction to them.

“Dan! Dan da-Dan da-Dan! Dandandandan! Look at the capibaras! Oh my gosh they’re so cute!”

Dan smiles at him, his eyes bright. Something about Phil made Dan _want_ to be happy. It was an energy Phil carried with him, spilling out in waves, though never drowning him.

Time draws on, the sky darkening, the crowd thinning. They’ve passed through every exhibit: the flying insects scaring Dan a bit more than he’d care to admit, but otherwise having a very lovely time.

“Want to go cloud watching?” Phil asks Dan, though it’s dark enough the clouds are merely shadows.

“Phil, we can’t even see the clouds!”

“That leaves more room for imagination!”

Phil pulls Dan along onto a field, picnic tables scattered around, reminding Dan of the pastry he’d eaten so long ago. Phil opens up a bag he’s been carrying around for ages, Dan subtly trying to see in while they were watching the animals.

He takes out a blanket, two bottles of Ribena, a lantern, and three containers of chinese takeout.

“I thought we could have a picnic!” Phil announces, spreading his arms wide. Dan takes the opportunity to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Aww Phil, this is too sweet,” he says honestly. “But Phil? Ribena with _chinese food?_ Really?”

“It’s a classic pairing! Like pickles and doughnuts!”

“You disgust me.”

“Fine. No chinese food for you then.”

“But Phillll…” Dan whines.

Phil rolls his eyes at dan, smiling. “Have at it.”

They dig in, both famished from the long day. As predicted, Phil totally forgot to bring utensils, so they have to get creative with what they have. Phil has the idea to take off the metal rod of the box and use it as chopsticks. Dan rolls his eyes and just uses his fingers, generating some playful taunts from Phil.

“So I’m weird for wanting Ribena with chinese food, but it’s totally normal to eat said food with your fingers?”

“It’s a perfectly natural thing to do! Besides, if yooou had remembered to bring the utensils, I wouldn’t _have_ to, now would I?”

Underneath all the playful prodding, Dan is incredibly grateful for all of Phil’s thoughtfulness. This had been such a pleasant day, Dan simply couldn’t believe how well it had gone.

When they finish eating the surprisingly good chinese takeout, they lay out on the blanket, Dan on the right, Phil on the left. Their hands are intertwined, their bodies just touching. It reminds Dan of his first few nights with Phil, which makes him smile.

“Hey, I can see the moon!” Phil says excitedly, pulling Dan from his thoughts.

There, on the horizon, the moon shines bright through the clouds. It’s a cheshire cat smile, just beginning to bloom. Craters and marks are evident in its brightness, though the imperfections make it that much lovelier. Without them, the moon would look so plain.

“The night I first met you, the moon was only a sliver,” recalls Phil in a dreamy voice. “I remember because it reminded me of your cute little dimple’s.”

Dan grins, causing the dimples to show again. Phil pokes at one gently.

“They’re so cute! I wish I had dimples!”

“You’re cute enough as it is. You don’t need them.”

“What if we shared them?” Phil jokes. “We each get one?”

“Please, I need all the cuteness I can get. There’s no way in hell I’m giving _you_ my dimples.”

“I guess I’ll just have to make my own then.”

Dan looks at Phil, eyes wide in shock.

“You know… Like with makeup?” Phil continues.

“Oh thank god! I thought you meant like… Oh gosh.” Dan gathers his thoughts. “You are such a strange person!”

“Normalness leads to sadness.”

Dan beams at Phil.

“No wonder you’re always smiling.”

* * *

 It’s not until a voice on the loudspeaker warns five minutes that they rise to leave. They fold the blanket together, meeting at every halve.

“This is kind of cliché,” Dan says, laughing.

“I don’t mind.”

They kiss on the last fold, short and sweet. The empty Ribena bottles are packed (Dan finally gave into his thirst), and the lantern is dimmed. Together they walk, hand in hand to their car, parked just across a stream.

“Look at that! The giraffes are still awake!” Phil exclaims, pointing. “Giraffes only sleep for about two hours a day, that’s more than enough proof they’re aliens.”

“Or college students,” Dan jokes.

They get in the car to drive home, Phil taking the time to make sure all the lights are on, as it’s very dark now, the sun setting over an hour ago. The drive home is mostly quiet, both boys worn out by the full day, but a good quiet, nothing uncomfortable. Phil puts on Muse, and they both quietly hum along to _Origins of Symmetry_.

It’s not until Phil pulls in to the university parking lot that Dan realizes how much he’s going to miss Phil. It’s silly, they could probably see each other tomorrow if they’d like to, but Dan’s gotten so used to just having Phil right next to him. They’re relationship is so easygoing, Dan doesn’t have to worry about what he says or does.

Plus, he doesn’t want to be alone.

But Dan has school tomorrow, and even if he doesn’t want to, he knows people need to take breaks from each other. Best if they let it naturally occur.

Still, Dan wants Phil to know just how much this means to him.

“Phil,” he begins, trying to articulate exactly what he means. “I just wanted to say how... how much I appreciate all this. Thank you very much.”

Not perfect, but close enough. He goes to unlock the car door, but looks back at Phil one more time.

“You’re really fucking amazing, Phil.”

Phil laughs, poking his tongue out between his teeth.

“As are you, silly. Now go to bed.”

Still smiling, Dan exits the car, and begins his ascent up the stairs of doom. _It’s like fucking Everest_ , he thinks to himself, but works his way up, thinking if he can just get up this flight of stairs, he can sleep for almost ten full hours before class starts.

He opens his door, ready to crash on his bed, when he realizes thw room isn’t empty. It’s Sam, holding what appears to be one of Phil’s vibrant socks, a contrast to everything he owns.

“Hey dipshit. Want to tell me what you’ve been up to all day?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahaha just when you thought everything was fine, the plot twist came along >:}
> 
> Anyways, what did you think? (other than the last two lines). Did Phil plan a good date? 
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments and kudos, they literally make me so so happy. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	9. Not a Food Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan's room doesn't even have a closet to hide in, leaving Dan helpless against Sam's homophobia. Kind of a darker chapter, I'm sorry, but it begins to look up at the end. 
> 
> A relatively graphic chapter, so if that will hurt you, skip to the bolded text messages. Also a fair amount of homophobic language, so skip to the bold again if thats a danger for you. Stay safe, loves <3

“Did you _really_ think I wouldn’t find out, Dan?” Sam purrs.

The look in his eyes terrifies Dan; clearly he’s drunk, his words slurring together like molasses on ice. But behind the fuzzy haze of drunken eyes hides something else, something that scares Dan more than anything else. It’s a smug look, a confident look, one that says “I know exactly what I’m doing”. Pair that with Sam’s typical reckless behaviour, and Dan’s got himself a wild card in a game of highest stakes.

“W-wouldn’t find ou-ut what?” Dan asks, swallowing hard.

“Don’t play dumb with me, motherfucker.”

Unlike Nicole, Sam is a very sober drunk. His words may be slurred, but his thoughts are not.

“I don’t…”

Sam lifts his phone, showing Dan the screen, Phil’s cuddler profile displayed.

_Shit._

“You booked him on my phone. I’d been wondering _what on earth_ could be more important than spending time with me, so I gave it a look.” He next sentence is in a singsong voice, “And look what I found. Your faggot ass has been fucking this little twink all along.”

Dan gulps, the slurs piercing his gut, shot into him by what feels like a nail gun.

“No wonder you never wanted to fuck Nicole.”

_There’s nothing I can say. I can’t talk my way out of this._

“You didn’t want to fuck her because you’re a fucking fag. You probably wanted to fuck me instead.”

Sam looks at Dan, sparks flying behind his eyes, and fear courses through Dan’s entire body. Something’s about to happen; he has to get out now.

Adrenaline floods through him, and he turns to sprint out the door, but Sam - ever the athlete - beats him to it. He slams the door closed, locking it from the inside, then shoves Dan’s entire wardrobe in front of the door.

Realizing the heavy predicament of his situation, Dan truly begins to panic. His breath is short and sparse, though it gets even worse after Sam’s first punch, directly to his stomach.

“You disgusting piece of shit,” Sam spits, swinging at Dan again, this time hitting his shoulder, causing Dan to cry out in pain.

“We only ever kept you around for a laugh anyway, but it turns out the joke was on us. You were probably just waiting for the night when we all got too drunk to stop you, and then you’d have your way with us. Disgusting freak.”

The next punch catches Dan’s neck, cutting upwards to his jawline.

“You deserve all of this,” Sam spits, punching Dan square in the face. The last blow send Dan to the floor, not even getting a single swing in return.

“Stay the fuck away from me, or it’ll only. get. worse.” The last three words are each emphasized with a kick, first to the back, then to the hip, then directly to Dan’s groin. He can hardly breath, he’s in so much pain.

To assert his dominance, presumable, Sam flips Dan’s mattress, half of it landing on time of Dan, who cries as it harshly slaps at his wounds.

Satisfied with his work, Sam shoves the wardrobe away from the door, the corner hitting Dan in the temple.

“Oops,” Sam says, and Dan can just make out a smile on his face, though his vision is blurring. “Sorry, mate.”

And with that, he swings the door open, steps out, and slams it shut, rattling the entire room.

Vision blurring, Dan stays completely still on the floor, waves of pain washing over him, again and again and again.

_This is fucking brutal_ , he thinks, just before passing out entirely.

* * *

  **Phil, 8:37 am:** Food morning bear!

**Phil, 8:37 am:** Oops! *Good morning, bear!

**Phil, 9:14 am:** Bear?

**Phil, 9:17 am:** Silly me, you’re probably in class right now. Good luck!

**Phil, 4:01 pm:** Want to go see a movie this afternoon?

**Phil, 7:55 pm:** Sorry for bothering you, you’re probably super busy with school work. Text me when you get the chance! :)

…

**Phil, 10:10 am:** Dan?

**Phil, 9:48 pm:** Goodnight, Dan.

* * *

 Phil sits on the corner of his bed, trying his best to play Portal, but he simply can’t focus. He keeps waiting for his phone to buzz, hoping against hope Dan will text him back.

It’s been two full days since he’s seen Dan last, two full days since he’s received so much as a text from him. He knows Dan has his own life, and people should have space between each other, but a part of him can’t help but worry.

_He hasn’t responded at all! Is he mad at me? He seemed fine when I dropped him off, maybe he was just pretending? What if I scared him away? What if he was abducted by aliens?_

Not paying attention, he falls over the edge, and throws his controller to the floor.

“Dammit!” He swears uncharacteristically.

He quits, frustrated. Where is Dan?

_Maybe if I call him, he’ll pick up_. It’s a long shot, sure, if Dan’s not texting back, he probably doesn’t have his phone with him, but Phil can’t wait forever.

As he’s dialing, Phil briefly considers shutting his phone off; maybe Dan truly is ignoring him. If that’s the case, all this attempting to contact him is only making it worse. Maybe Phil should just leave him alone.

Finally, Phil decides he might as well call him, if Dan doesn’t want to talk to him, he can just ignore it. Phil dials the number and prepares for the worst.

The tension grows as the phone rings on. _He won’t pick up_ , Phil thinks after the fourth ring. _It’s pointless._

“Phil.”

A weak voice comes from the phone.

Phil almost throws his phone in shock; Dan picked up!!

“Dan! Hi!” He begins excitedly. “How have you b-”

“Phil, I need your help,” Dan’s voice sounds strained, as if he’s in pain. Phil holds the phone closer to his ear, as if it would make him closer to Dan.

“What’s wrong, bear?”

“I messed…” Dan starts, but changes the sentence halfway through. “Can you come here? I’m sorry.”

“Sure, Dan, I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

“I’m sorry, Phil.”

Phil puts down his phone, wondering what on earth Dan’s apologizing for.

* * *

 Dan’s stomach rumbles, begging Dan to nourish it. He’s been able to crawl around, getting sips of water and going to the bathroom, but actually making food would be an entirely different feat. As a college student, he doesn’t have much food to begin with, but what he has requires him to, at the very least, boil water, something he’s not entirely sure he could do.

Better to just lie down, wait for his headache to improve, and for his body to heal. His skin is painted like the night sky, purple and blue bruises covering his body. It hurts to move, so Dan stays as still as possible.

Every once in awhile, he hears his phone buzz, but it flew across the room when Sam hit him, and he simply doesn’t have the energy to check it. Probably only Sam anyway, taunting him.

So he just lies on the ground, only ever moving a few feet to the sink or bathroom, using the lighting in his room to gage the time. One day passes, then another, though he doesn’t feel any better.

_Class is going to be hell when I get back_ , he thinks to himself, wishing he didn’t have to go back. Because, the thing is, putting something off only makes it worse when you get to it.

Dan’s just slipped into some in-between state of sleep and wake when he hears his phone vibrate again.

And again.

And again.

Someone’s calling him.

He summons enough strength to sit up, trying to see his phone screen. It’s indiscernible, but he figures Sam probably wouldn’t call him. Besides, his head’s not feeling as bad as before, crawling fifteen feet seems somewhat doable.

His blood freezes when he sees the screen.

Phil.

What does he say to him? How could he possibly explain? Phil’s probably so tired of picking up the pieces when he falls apart, it’s almost unfair to do it to him again.

But Dan knows he needs help, and he trusts Phil to take care of him. Against his better judgement, he picks up the phone.

“Phil,” he says, already regretting his decision. What will Phil say when Dan tells him? He should have been able to defend himself.

“Dan! Hi!”

Phil sounds excited to hear from him, turning up the corners of Dan’s mouth ever-so-slightly. "How have you b-"

"Phil, I need your help," Dan cuts him off, wanting to get it over with.

"What's wrong, bear?"

What's wrong? Where does he even begin?  

“I messed…” Dan begins, then decides it would probably be easier to tell the story in person. “Can you come here? I’m sorry,” he apologizes for doing this to Phil again.

“Sure, Dan. I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

“I’m sorry.”

Dan drops his phone, feeling overwhelmingly ashamed. He’s fucked up too many times to count, Phil should have left him a long time ago. It’s a wonder he hasn’t already, but he probably will once he discovered how absolutely pathetic Dan was against Sam.

Then everything will go back to the way it was before, only Dan will feel more alone.

* * *

  _Please please please let him be alive_.

After hearing the pain in Dan’s voice on the phone, Phil can only think of the worst, something unlike his usual self. Maybe it’s because he cares so much about Dan, if something happened to him, he wouldn’t know what to do. He would be alone once more.

_Please please please let him be okay._

Phil drives faster than he’s ever driven before - still staying within the speed limit, of course. He wants to get to Dan as quickly as possible, to help him with whatever he needs.

When he pulls into the parking lot, he turns off the car stunningly quick, and sprints - that’s right: sprints to Dan’s room, running up even the stairs.

_Please please please let him open the door._

He knocks, and hears a wavering voice say, “Come in.”

Phil opens the door himself.

_Oh no._

Phil takes in the sight before him: the wardrobe out of place, the mattress, and most of all, Dan.

“Oh god, Dan…”

Dan lies in the corner of his room, curled up around his phone. Bruises litter his skin, dried blood covering his face, a sizable lump on his head. He looks like he’s been to hell and back.

“I did some redecorating recently,” Dan cracks, referencing the furniture change.

Only Dan would crack jokes in this state.

“What happened?” Phil asks in a hushed tone.

“Tripped coming up the stairs.”

“Dan…” Phil sighs. “Not a time for sarcasm.”

Dan’s face scrunches up in pain, and Phil realizes why Dan’s been cracking these jokes at such an inappropriate time; he’s ashamed of whatever happened.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Phil changes tactics, walking over to Dan and helping him to sit up. “It’s fine bear. Are you okay sitting up? Can I get you something? Food? An ice pack? Hot tea?”

“All three would be great,” Dan smiles wanly.

“I’ll get right to it.”

Dan’s kitchen is small, making it relatively easy to figure out. Phil sets a kettle boiling, planning to use the hot water for both tea and noodles, effectively saving time. While he waits, he prepares an ice pack using a cloth, rubber bands, and, obviously, ice.

He hands Dan the ice pack, and sets about cleaning the blood from Dan’s face with an extra cloth, careful not to apply too much pressure.

“Phil, I think the water’s boiling,” Dan says after a few minutes.

“Oh, thank you.”

Phil hands Dan the cloth, and goes to fix Dan the college special, a bowl of instant ramen. After steeping the tea and making the ramen, he places both on a metal baking tin, and brings the meal to Dan, who seems to perk up a little.

“Thanks Phil,” he says, his voice seeming a bit stronger after a few bites.

“Of course Dan,” Phil says in a soothing voice. “Now can you tell me what happened, love?”

Dan sets down the tray and opens his mouth to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes that was kind of an emotionally challenging chapter to write, but I think it's good for the character development. As the saying goes: "your characters are like geodes, if you want to see what they're really made of, you must break them". 
> 
> But anyways, what did you think? I love hearing what you have to say, it always inspires me to keep writing. Special thanks to all the commenters on the past chapters; y'all are all so so sweet, it makes me so happy to continue the story.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


	10. With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil pick up the pieces, and begin to form a new plan.
> 
> So sorry if this seems super rushed (it was!), I've been busy this weekend and I'm going to be really busy this week, so I wanted to get something out before then.

“So, does this hurt?” Phil asks, poking Dan’s hip. 

“Yes, Phil, that hurts!” 

Dan laughs at Phil’s attempts to play doctor. Dan had since removed his shirt, displaying his stained skin for Phil to ice. Slightly painful, but necessary. 

“But what if I do th-”

“Phil that still hurts, you spork! Just assume anything not flesh coloured hurts!” 

Phil removes his hands from Dan’s hips, looking at Dan’s smug face from Phil’s incompetence.

“What about this?” he asks, lightly running his hands over Dan’s stomach.

“Sto- caaahhchhaah- Phil that tickles!” 

Phil grins, moving to Dan’s neck, ready to stop if Dan tells him to.

“Noooo no I’m so ticklish- chaaa- fuck!” Dan yells, laughing. “Ah-owww-ow” 

Phil pulls back, chortling. “Dan, you make the funniest noises when you’re being tickled!”

“As if you don’t as well!” Dan lunges for Phil’s feet, eliciting a surprised shrike. “See! You’re ticklish too!”

“Ugh,” Phil rolls his eyes. “Fine. You win.”

It had taken Dan nearly an hour to recount what happened, the story told in bits between slurps of noodles and sips of tea. Phil had listened closely, only leaving to get Dan refills. When the story was finished, Phil hadn’t reacted how Dan was dreading he would, instead simply asking where he was hurting the most. Dan appreciates how Phil listens, but doesn’t force Dan to say anymore than he wants to. 

And yet, everything just feels wrong. He can’t place a finger on it exactly, but this conflict with Sam has made him realize how little he belongs here. 

Dan drops his hands to his lap, his smile dropping with them. “Phil,” he says with an  audible change of tone. “What am I going to do?”

Phil looks up at Dan, surprised by the quick mood change. Dan appears to be completely defeated, shoulders hunched, eyes watering. 

“Well, you could report him to the-”

“NO, Phil,” Dan says, rather sharply. He tries again, softer this time. “Sorry, I mean, ah,  that won’t do anything. He won’t get expelled or anything like that. He’ll just get more pissed at me for ratting on him.” 

Dan takes a long, shaky breath. “I just… I just want to escape. I can’t do this anymore, Phil.”

And all at once, the dam breaks.

“I don’t want to be in law school anymore! I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea in the first place! Law? I don’t even like law! This isn’t what I wanted to be, this isn’t where I belong!”

“Where do you belong, Dan?”

_ With you. _

The words run through Dan’s head, and he’s shocked at how quickly they arose, how sure they seemed.

“Not here,” he answers aloud, altering his answer slightly.

“Wow,” Phil says with a light laugh, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s not every day you witness a quarter-life crisis.”

Dan laughs in response, though his eyes stay sad. 

“Tell you what,” says Phil, checking the time. “It’s getting pretty late, how about we sleep on it, you can take the day off tomorrow, and we’ll work through it all then.”

“Take the day off? Phil, I want to take a year off. I can’t do this anymore. I just… can’t.”

“I know, bear. Let’s just take it one day at a time though. We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

Phil kisses Dan on the cheek, a soft affirmation, and Dan gives in.

“Phil, just one problem.”

“What?”

“Well, I don’t know your preferred method of sleep, but I don’t particularly enjoy sleeping on a bed of springs. Might be a weird quirk of mine, though.”

“Yeah, you’re kind of odd that way,” Phil says, chuckling softly. Phil stands up and lifts the mattress back onto Dan’s bed, then reaches out his hand to help Dan up. Dan accepts the offer, though goes right from standing up to lying back down, this time in his own bed.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Oh please, find your own bed,” Dan says jokingly, wrapping the duvet around him entirely. 

“You look like a burrito.”

“I feel like a burrito. Like a gluten free, vegetarian, low carb burrito.”

“Don’t say that, Dan. You’re like a limited edition burrito.”

Dan peaks out from under the blanket, a slight grin on his face. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. I guess you can share, then.”

“Why, how kind of you!”

Phil slides under the covers, and Dan turns to cuddle against him. He still doesn’t feel content, worries flooding his thoughts like cars on a freeway, but with Phil next to him, the pace slows slightly. It’ll be okay. They’ll figure something out.

Life will get better.

* * *

From the moment Dan said he wanted to escape, a plan began forming in Phil’s head. It wasn’t one he could propose, though, for many reasons, the biggest being Dan would almost certainly dislike it, and that would absolutely destroy Phil.

But the idea continues to resurface as he tries to sleep, Phil unable to distract himself from it. 

_ Just ask him. He won’t be offended, worst comes to worst he’ll just say no. It’s not that big of a deal. _

But it  _ is  _ a big deal, and Phil knows it. His heart tries to tell him otherwise, his head trying to stay rational. Problem is, Phil most always tends to follow his heart. 

_ I’ll do it _ , he decides.  _ I’ll ask him _ .

Phil sinks into the pillow, the decision made, and falls asleep.

 

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Phil hears when he finally opens his eyes. He sits up, reaches for his glasses, and puts them on. His vision comes into focus and he sees Dan on his feet, making himself a morning coffee.

“Morning, bear,” Phil says in response.

“Want some coffee?”

“Yes, please!” 

Dan pours Phil a cup of coffee, crossing over to pass the mug to Phil, a Hello Kitty design on it. Phil’s stomach flutters as he prepares to announce his plan. 

Phil accepts the mug, and looks Dan in the eyes.

“Dan… how would you feel about moving in with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza, I finally got to where I've been building this story to all along. What do you think? Good plan by Phil?
> 
> Now, I actually do want to ask you guys: do you want this story to continue? I'm more than happy to write some cute fluff with them moving in together, but as y'all know, the rest of the story kind of tells itself. Let me know!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


	11. We Can Be Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's amazing how quickly life can change, and Dan just happens to be in the drivers seat today.

The mug shatters as it cascades from Dan’s hands, his eyes not even flicking down, staying even with Phil. He’s holding his breath in, temporarily unable to do anything but stare into Phil’s blue eyes.

“Oh gosh, Dan I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean, I mean, I didn’t want, I-”

With a sudden squeal, Dan breaks from his trance, jumping onto Phil’s lap in excitement.

“Yes! Of course I do, you spork! Jesus!”

Dan kisses Phil, too caught up in all his excitement to be anxious, too happy to hold back. Phil responds, kissing Dan back happily.

“I was so worried you’d say no! Then I’d have to go back to sharing with an alien who steals all the morning coffee!” Phil says jokingly.

“Can’t promise I won’t do the same!”

“As long as you share your cereal.”

“Deal.”

Dan, elevated a few inches above Phil, looks down at him, smiling. Phil looks back at him, a bright twinkle in his eye. He puts his hand on Dan’s chin, tilting his head down to meet his.

“Everything will be okay, bear.”

“I know it will.”

They kiss once more, before Dan remembers the spilled coffee, and goes to towell it up.

Phil helps by pointing out places he’s missed.

“Y’know, you could _maybe_ do a bit more to help out,” Dan teases.

“I am being helpful! You missed a spot near the bed! It looks like a T-rex!”

Dan peaks at the spot he missed, trying to see the design. It looks like a blob of coffee.

“How is _that_ a T-rex?” he demands.

“It has short arms!” Phil says, demonstrating by holding his hands to his chest and wiggling them, simulating short arms.

“You dork.”

Dan finishes cleaning up and throws the paper towel away, turning around when Phil speaks up again.

“Not to put a damper on the mood, but you can’t just travel through a wormhole and end up in my flat. You’re still technically in uni, and your parents have no clue what’s going on.”

_Fuck._

His parents. Dan hadn’t even told his parents he met Phil, much less that they were dating, so saying he’s dropping out of college and moving in with him may seem like quite a shock.

_Fuck._

“I, uh, I’ll get on that, Philly. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

_This’ll be a fun phone call._

“Okay, Dan,” Phil says with a small smile, and Dan knows Phil can see right through him. Phil brushes it off though, asking Dan if he needs some time to collect himself and call his parents. Dan accepts graciously, and Phil heads out, promising another delicious pastry when he gets back.

The second Phil leaves the room, Dan begins to panic. He’s about to dial up his parents out of nowhere, and tell them he’s dropping out of college to live with someone they’ve never met before, who (surprise!) he’s also dating.

That’s a lot to take in over a whole year, much less a five minute phone conversation.

In a bizarre attempt to pump himself up, Dan downs what’s left in a bottle of hot sauce, causing his mouth to burn and eyes to water.

 _Why did I think that would be a good idea?_ he wonders, before dialing up his mum, not even planning out what he’s going to say.

She picks up on the second ring.

“Dan! Hi!” She says, her voice shrill. “I haven’t heard from you in ages! How’s uni going?”

Well that was abrupt.

“Hi mum, um, yeah it’s been a while,” Dan says, struggling to speak articulately. He knows once he begins, he won’t be able to stop, that saying those first few words will change his life forever.

Does he really want to do this? Does he really want to take this chance?

“Well, erm, uni is actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Apparently he does. There’s no going back now.

“Are the classes too easy for that smart brain of yours?” His mum jokes in a motherly way.

Dan sighs. He really should have planned out what he was going to say.

“Ha, hah, huh,” he laughs awkwardly. “Not exactly. You see, mum,” he takes a deep breath.

“I think I’m gonna take a break from University.”

There it is. Out. It’s been said, the words having traveled through space and back again, reaching his mother’s ears in a what was really a matter of seconds, but felt like years to Dan.

“Oh,” his mum says, and Dan can hear every emotion in her voice, threatening to suffocate him. Poorly masked disappointment, worry, sympathy.

“Fuck, I mean, shit, I mean crap, I’m so sorry, mum,” he says, placating quickly. “I just, I can’t really explain it, but I feel like I’m being suffocated by a pile of textbooks and papers, that I’m trapped by the tests and-”

“Dan,” his mum says, and Dan can hear a change of tone. “You don’t have to explain yourself. If you think dropping out of uni is the best choice for you, I’m not going to stop you. You just surprised me, that’s all.”

She says all this in a rush, like she wants to get them out before Dan got too anxious.

_Part One: achieved._

“ThAnks mum,” Dan says, his voice cracking halfway through, relieved to have part of it done, terrified of what the second half of the story will bring. How does he even start?

His mum helps him begin.

“So, will you need to move back in with us?”

This is it.

“Um, no, mum. I mean, I really appreciate the offer, but I’ve actually found somewhere to stay.”

“And where is that Dan?” His mum asks, and Dan can hear her eyebrows raising even through the phone.

“Well, you see, I met this…” _Boy? Man? Lad? God of Sunshine?_ What should he use to describe Phil? “...Friend a while back, and we really seemed to click. He offered to let me stay with him, and it seems like a really good choice.”

He waits for him mums responce.

“Have I ever met this friend? Are his parents nice?”

“Mum! You sound like I’m in primary and I’m asking for a playdate! No, you’ve never met him, no I’ve never met his parents, but I just know he’s a good person and I’m really happy when I’m with him and it’s-”

“Are you two dating?”

Oh no. Here it is. He had told his mum ages ago that he was gay, but for whatever reason, he didn’t think she would put two and two together. He’s not sure why he didn’t just tell her that straight off, maybe he thought it would be too much to take in at once.

“I… Yeah, mum, we are. And I really like him.”

“Okay, Dan: I just want to make sure you’re not leaving university for him. Because, pardon my language, but that would be just plain shitty.”

“No, I’m not,” Dan answers truthfully. “I just happen to need him, and he just happens to be here for me. It works out well.”

“And are you happy to be with him?”

“So happy,” Dan says, thinking of how much more he smiles when he’s with Phil. “Mum, I think,” Dan takes a deep breath. “I think I, _love him_.”

His voice drops off at the end when he realizes what he’s saying is true. Though he’s only known Phil for a short amount of time, he’s already grown to love him. Maybe not in the way people often talk about love - the butterflies and the buzz, but by how Phil helps him feel better, and maybe, just maybe, he makes Phil feel better as well.

And isn’t that the meaning of love? That you both feel better when you’re together? Well, that’s what Dan would say if asked for a definition.

“Well,” his mum says, her voice warm, “I’ll have to meet this young lad soon. Keep in touch, okay, Dan?”

“Okay mum. Thank you for… thanks.”

“Goodbye, hun!”

“Goodbye mom.”

Dan puts down the phone just as Phil walks in through the door.

_Oh god. Did he hear me talking to my mom? Did he hear me say that last bit?_

“They were out of chocolate, can you believe it? I thought about suing the entire cafe and then using the money to buy you a three kilo bar of Hershey’s, but I figured you’d wonder where I went.”

Dan laughs, trying to shake off his nerves.

“Did you at least get something sweet?”

“I bought a muffin but I ate half of it on the way back.”

“Phil! I would’ve eaten that!”

“I’m sorry! It just smelled so good I couldn’t wait!”

“Alright, hand it over.”

Dan reaches for the paper bag in Phil’s hand. “Phil! There are only crumbs left!”

“I’m sorry!” Phil looks at Dan with the cutest sheepy face that Dan has no choice but to forgive him instantly.

“So, how’d it go?” Phil asks, taking a seat on Dan’s bed. Dan looks back at Phil, a grin on his face.

“She said I could do it! Phil! She said okay!”

It’s impossible for Dan to keep calm. He wants to jump off the walls, to sing at the top of his lungs, to kiss Phil on his silly little forehead.

Dan opts for the third choice.

“I can be with you!”

Who would have known that his life could change so quickly. Three weeks ago Dan was so fucking miserable, simply going through the motions, hanging out with Sam and the others only because he was too scared to be alone. He had no hope, no purpose, no life in him.

But now, Dan can see a whole world of opportunity. There’s just so much out there, so many hidden joys of life that he’s just beginning to see. Like afternoon pastries, strange animals, late night conversations, and the chance that maybe, just maybe, your life can change at the press of the button.

Phil hadn’t forced Dan to be happier, he had just taught him the little tricks to see the good side of things, that while life can be utter shit, there are still such beautiful parts of it. Phil had been his sun, and Dan his moon, his light reflecting off Dan. Sure, there were still parts of him dark, and sometimes the light is gone entirely, but it will always come back.

Things do get better, as long as you’re there to see it.

“And I can be with you!”

“We can be together,” Dan says smiling, not even caring how cheesy it sounds.

Phil smiles back at him, putting his arm around Dan’s shoulders.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! End goal achieved! What did you think? Did everything go as you hoped? 
> 
> Soooo... now the rest of it is up to you. I was planning on just doing an epilogue, and having that be it, but I can continue further if you desire :)
> 
> I'm also working on another phanfic that I'm really enjoying, the first chapter should be put up sometime next week. Not to give too many spoilers, but it's got to do with wilderness survival, something I've always been fascinated with. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


	12. Editing Tips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan sees Phil's apartment for the first time. Mostly just some expository setting up for the next chapter, but with a bit of fluff.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Phil, and I thought my place had a lot of stairs!” Dan exclaims, pretending to collapse on the floor. “You do know there’s a goddamn elevator, right? I saw it while we walked in.”

“I thought it would build the anticipation!” Phil says, taking Dan’s hand to help him up.

“This is the _worst_ idea you’ve ever had,” Dan says, rolling his eyes but allowing Phil to pull him up. “Literally, I would rather you slingshot me up to your balcony then make me climb up nineteen flights of stairs.”

“We’re almost there though!”

“Ughhhhh.”

So they continue to climb, making small talk.

“So you said your mum is coming over three days from now for dinner? Shile, we’ve got a lot of tidying to do.”

“I think you mean yooou have a lot of cleaning to do,” Dan jokes. “I didn’t make the mess.” Not sure if Phil caught he was being sarcastic, Dan adds, “Kidding, I’ll totally help.”

“I’ve seen your room, Dan, you’d probably make it worse!”

Dan snorts. “Stop attacking me, Phil.”

“Oh come on! It took ages to pick up all your things off the ground! I give you two days in your new bedroom before it turns to a mess, tops.”

Dan and Phil had decided that, for the time being, it was probably best to each have their own rooms. They might chose to eventually share, but they both thought having a space to themselves would help in the long run. Everyone needs breaks from each other, no matter how close they are. Good thing Phil’s flat had two bedrooms.

Dan actually had no idea what was waiting for him at the top of the stairs. He had just made one of the biggest decisions of his life, having just taken a year out of uni, and though he had his family's approval, a part of Dan couldn’t help but be disappointed in himself. These next few weeks could mean a lot.

“So Dan,” Phil pipes up, having _finally_ reached the nineteenth level. “Are you ready for the absolute fairytale castle behind this door?”

“Fairytale castle, huh?” Dan says with a light laugh, trying to cover up how nervous he is.

“Oh yeah! Talking animals who do the chores, evil witches who want to feed you apples, princesses who can sing like angels…”

“Any princes?” Dan jokes.

Phil laughs, and unlocks the door. “I’ll try my best to be a noble prince,” he says. With a sweeping gesture, he swings the front door open. “Your castle, my love.”

Dan giggles softly, and forces his legs to walk forward.

And then he’s in.

From where he stands, he can see a small closet, and what looks to be a bathroom. To his right, two doors, and another door a little ways ahead. The place smells of vanilla, a warm and comforting scent, probably from all the bloody scented candles Phil has mentioned.

For a few seconds, Dan just stands there, entranced by it all.

“So,” Phil begins, and Dan can hear a nervous quake in his voice. “What do you think?”

Dan looks at Phil, a huge smile on his face.

“Phil, I came from a _college dorm_. Literally anything would be better than that. But this,” he kisses Phil on the cheek. “This is perfect.”

“Awww, Dan. How sweet. My flat is nicer than a college dorm.”

Dan giggles, feeling slightly less awkward now that he’s finally past the doorway.

“So can I see the rest of the place, or is that off limits for me?”

“Oh, absolutely off limits. I’m working on a scientific experiment in the kitchen - top secret, you can’t be allowed to see it,” Phil taunts.

“Surely you can make an exception for me.”

“Okay, but you’ve gotta keep it a secret.”

“What will you do if I do tell?”

“You don’t want to know,” Phil whispers, smiling.

Phil takes Dan’s hand, pulling him to the door directly ahead of them. Behind the door is a kitchen, and to the right of that, a cozy lounge.

“Damn, Phil, you really live in style.”

“Only the highest quality items. From Ikea.”

Phil asks Dan if he would like some tea. Dan accepts, and goes to sit down on a sofa, accidentally bumping into the coffee table as he does so. Phil doesn’t seem to notice.

When the tea is ready, Phil brings it over to Dan, taking a seat next to him on the sofa.

“Phil,” Dan begins, biting his lip. “This is such a nice place, how on earth do you afford it?”

“Well, you know, I do get some money from the YouTube thing I do, and then I made some extra from the cuddling job. Of course, I haven’t done that since…”

Phil trails off, but Dan can fill in the blanks. _Since he met me. He’s losing money because of me._

“Oh, well I can start working to pay my rent. I had a job at a hardware store, I could probably pick that up again.”

“That would be awesome! Only for a few months though, YouTube’s giving me a pay raise soon as my videos have been getting more views recently, which means I’ll be able to cover you too.”

“You don’t have to do that! I’m making you lose money since you’re not part of the cuddling business!”

“Silly. I’d much rather have you than a million pounds,” Phil says, planting a kiss on Dan’s cheek. Dan rolls his eyes, but can’t help smiling.

“What exactly do you do on YouTube?” Dan asks. He should have done some research on it, but he just never found the time between cramming for tests and spending time with Phil.

“Well, I usually just talk about what’s happened to me over the past week or so. Funny anecdotes, weird things that happened, that sort of thing.”

“Huh. That’s really interesting. I wonder if I would be any good at it,” Dan speculates aloud, half-forgetting Phil could hear him.

“I bet you’d be great!” Phil claps his hands together. “You should give it a shot!”

Dan’s surprised by the reaction he got. He never would think himself good at that sort of thing. Huh, maybe he should give it a shot.

“You could use my camcorder! And I have so many good editing tips!”

“Gotta love those editing tips. That would be really great!”

“I'll get on that, then,” Phil says, kissing Dan. “C’mon, I’ll show you your room.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> La la la, just some shit expository setting up for the next chapter, sorry if it was a bit dull. There will be some hella cute fluff next chapter, so look forward to that!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


	13. Hey Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some cute Phan fluff, Dan's mum is coming over and the apartment needs to recover from Phil's lack of cleaning.

“Dan, you can’t just hide everything behind that drawer!”

It’s seven o’clock in Manchester, and Dan and Phil are desperately trying to clean their place before Dan’s mom arrives the next day, but keep getting distracted.

“Why not, Phil? Out of sight, out of mind!”

“There isn’t any magic portal behind it that transports everything to its proper place! One day I’ll pull the drawer out and there’ll be an entire family of borrowers living back there!”

“Fine, but then where do you propose we put this?” Dan holds up a strange rubber mushroom, the function of which he’s entirely unsure of.

“Er, I’ll put it in the drawer of shame,” Phil says, making a cute embarrassed face.

“The drawer of shame? See? That’s no better that putting it behind something!”

“It is! Because then it’s all in one place!”

“Yeah, with fifty million other things. Admit it, Phil, you’re no tidier than I am.”

“Never!”

“Phil! Literally, there are three loose socks in this room alone. My room was never this bad.”

“You probably had a secret sock goblin that cleaned up all your socks for you.”

“Well, I did tend to lose a lot of socks…”

“See! You’re a cheater!”

“How is losing socks cheating?”

“It’s- unfair- cheating-”

Dan and Phil both look up, making eye contact before bursting into laughter. They often do this, slip into little joking arguments, straying from whatever task they were trying to do before. A small inconvenience, but a welcome one.

“Let’s tone down the bants for one attempt,” Dan says, wanting to finish cleaning the lounge before dinner. He’s been staying at Phil’s apartment for two nights now, and it already seems more like home than his dorm ever did.

“Want to put on some music?” Dan suggests.

“Heck yeah! Tell you what, the person who picks up the most in one song gets to choose the next one. I’ll start,” Phil offers.

“Deal! But how are you going to find the song?”

“Just watch! I choooooose…”

Phil pulls up YouTube on his computer, and Dan watches with fascination as Phil type in _New Born_ into a search bar at the top. He presses play on a video, and the music begins.

“That’s so cool! I didn’t know you could listen to music on YouTube!” Dan says in amazement, sitting motionless in shock.

Last night, Phil had shown Dan a bit of YouTube, showing him some of his favorite viral videos - llamas with hats, charlie the unicorn, and others likewise. He also showed Dan a few of his videos, which Dan enjoyed quite a bit, he was shocked Phil wasn’t more popular. Still, he felt he didn’t fully understand YouTube. It was foreign territory for him, and he was just beginning to explore.

“Go go go, Dan! The time has already begun!”

“sHIT!” Dan launches upwards, determined to win the challenge. He picks up random items left and right, throwing them into a pile near the sofa. At the bridge of the song, he looks over to see Phil’s pile at twice the height of his.

While Phil isn’t looking, Dan steals a few items from his pile, moving them to his, then returns to picking up his own items. He does this several more times without Phil noticing, resulting in a win for him at the end of the song.

“Dan, I’m impressed! Alright, you get to pick the song now.”

A smug smile on his face, Dan tries to decide which way he should troll Phil. Does he Rickroll him? Or does he go with something a little more unique?

Dan opts for the second. Typing quickly, he puts in _All Star_ , by Smash Mouth.

“Hey, I like this song! Is it from Shrek?”

“Hell yeah, it is.”

Dan smirks. This is the prank that just keeps playing.

They continue cleaning for another hour or so, moving from room to room, and _every single time_ Dan wins, he plays _All Star_ , over and over and over again.

“Dan! You can’t keep playing Smash Mouth! That’s cheating!”

“Phil, this is the kind of song that deserves to be played on repeat. Show some respect.”

“You dork.”

“You nerd.”

“You… overcooked marshmallow!”

“Ooooh, Phil, harsh.”

“Watch out! I’m like the sass master from Manchester!” Phil turns to Dan, his arms raised above his head, a rather adorable look of intimidation on his face. “Fear me!”

“Oh, I do.”

Phil laughs, kissing Dan on the cheek. “I think we’ve done enough cleanup for today, want to order some Chinese food?”

“You don’t even have to ask. I’ll have whatever you’re having,” Dan says, picking up a broom resting on the floor, playing air guitar absentmindedly.

“Alright, I’ll call in,” Phil says agreeably. “We could watch some anime while we eat?”

“Sounds perfect,” Dan says with a smile, kissing Phil on the cheek.

Dan looks down at his shirt, surprised to see it covered with dust bunnies, supposedly from cleaning under sofas. “I’m gonna go change, be out in a second!”

Phil, phone raised to his ear, looks up and smiles at Dan, indicating he heard him. With that, Dan leaves the lounge, removing his shirt as he enters his new bedroom.

It’s still more or less unfurnished, the only items being his bed and one set of drawers, but he still feels very comfortable. He plans to fill it with more trinkets of his as he acquires them, but for now, it’s good.

Wanting to be comfy, Dan selects a loose white shirt with a pocket, one of his favorite lazy items. His wardrobe still lacks quite a bit of color, but the white at least is bright.

His arms halfway through the sleeves, the collar snagged on his nose, Dan hears a scream from the other room.

“PHIL?!” Dan yells, jerking his shirt over his head, sprinting out his room at speeds he didn’t know he had, stubbing his toe on the door in attempt to get to Phil as quickly as possible.

_What if he hurt himself? What if someone’s breaking in? Oh god, what’s happened?!_

Dan is near hysterics when he sprints into the lounge, fully expecting to cower in fear at whatever made Phil scream. To his surprise, nothing is there, just Phil standing in the middle of the room, completely motionless.

“Phil?! Are you okay??” Dan demands, praying that nothing awful happened.

“Sp-sp-spider!”

Following Phil’s gaze, Dan sees a spider, maybe two centimeter in diameter, resting on their cream coloured wall. It’s just sitting there, not skittering around or maliciously devouring the blood of it’s victim, yet Phil stands petrified and unblinking.

“Phil,” Dan says, moving closer to Phil. “You do know that’s just a small spider, right?”

“B-b-but it-it’s looking a-at me!”

“Spiders have eight eyes, so statistically, it would make sense for one of them to be on you.”

“Ahhhch!”

Phil breaks from his bind, and runs behind Dan, using him as a shield from a spider, his arms wrapped around Dan, his head peeking out from one side.

“Oh my god, you dork. Do you want me to kill it?”

Phil nods rapidly.

“Alright then, but Phil, I need you to let go of me. Unless you want to be dragged closer.”

In a flash, Phil releases Dan, and scurries to the other side of the room. Dan picks up a napkin resting on the breakfast bar, and inches closer to the spider.

It doesn’t move as he grows closer, and for an instant, Dan feels bad about killing the spider. This little guy didn’t know he was trespassing, he just thought he was chilling. Then Phil lets out a little squeal of fear, and Dan lunges forward, squashing the spider.

“Got ‘em!” Dan announces triumphantly. “Wanna see?”

“No!”

“Okaaay. Goodbye little friend.” Dan tosses the wad of spider and paper into the bin, sighing in relief. Sure, he’s not afraid of spiders like Phil, but he still doesn’t fancy them. If Phil hadn’t been so scared, Dan might not have done anything.

“Spiders, huh? They your kryptonite?”

“Them and horses,” Phil says with a light laugh.

“So what do you do when you see a spider in your apartment and no one’s there to valiantly slay it for you?” Dan teases.

“Nothing. This is my twenty-seventh apartment, I just move out when I spot one.”

“Seems like a good plan. Though a bit expensive.”

“I know,” Phil continues. “That’s why I asked you to move in. I thought I might save some money by having you as my noble spider slayer.”

“Ahhh, the secrets are revealed. This is what I’m bringing to the table - spider slaying.”

“That, and a wider array of cereal.”

“Oh my god, I hate you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a week full of stressful hell (I was forecasting), writing some cute phan fluff was all my tired heart wanted to do. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	14. Nothing Can Go Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo so like, I searched the entire internet for Dan's mum's name, but I literally could not find a n y t h i n g. If any of y'all know, please let me know! (or if you have any suggestions for names, bc idk if I should keep referring to her as "Dan's mum".) Thanks!

“PhilllLLL?” Dan cries from his room. “I can’t find my straighteners!”

“What do you mean you can’t find them?” Phil peeks his head into Dan’s room, a slight smile on his face.

“What do you think I mean?! They’re gone!”

Phil smiles reassuringly. “Aww but Dan, can’t you go without for just one night? It’s just your mum, she’s seen you curly hair before, I’m sure.”

“ThAt’s not how it works, Phil! I need my straighteners!”

“But you look so cute with your hobbit hair,” Phil ruffles Dan’s humidity curled hair.

Dan lightly smacks Phil’s hand away. “Alright you little shit, I know you stole them. You aren’t fooling anyone.”

“Whaaaaat?” Phil smiles easily but Dan can see right through him. A plan forms in his head to get Phil back, but he needs time to execute it.

“Shoot, I’m sorry. I must have misplaced them. Sorry for accusing you,” he placates.

“Oh… that’s… fine, no big deal.”

Dan can tell Phil is surprised by the turn of events. Phil probably planned to lead him on for a few more minutes, then surrender, not get away with it completely.

_Sure, Phil, of course, you’re_ so _innocent. You would_ never _steal my straighteners. I’ll let you believe you won._

“Alright, I’m gonna see what I can do to this mop.” Dan ducks into the shared bathroom, where he knows Phil keeps his contacts. He’s wearing glasses right now, and looking absolutely adorable in them, though Dan knows he much prefers contacts.

Turning on the water to cover the sounds of rummaging through the cabinet, Dan finds Phil’s contacts containers, checks that they’re both in there, and slips them into his back pocket. He runs some water through his hair to make it look like he actually tried to fix his hair, then sneaks from the bathroom and into his room.

* * *

“Daniel! Get your fluffy-haired head in here!”

Dan chuckles at Phil’s “insult”, and heads sheepishly to the bathroom, putting on an guiltless face as he walks in to meet Phil.

“Where are my contacts?” Phil demands, waving his glasses around haphazardly. “Your mum’s going to be here any minute, I can’t be seen in these monstrosities!”

“Oh, I don’t know, Phil,” Dan says false innocent voice. “Maybe they were taken by whatever creature stole my straighteners.”

“Dan!”

Dan drops the act, and smirks at Phil, his jaw jutting out, taunting Phil. “But you look so cute with glasses!” he says, echoing Phil’s words from earlier.

“Fine, I’ll just go without glasses! You’ll look better to me that way, anyways.”

Dan sputters. He turns on the sink and sticks his arm underneath the stream of water.

“Dan, what are you doing?” Phil says with an uncertain laugh.

“I’ve been told you’re supposed to run cold water over a burn. And I just got _scorched_.”

They both laugh at the shitty joke, and Phil takes Dan’s arm from underneath the water. “Your straighteners are in my bathroom.”

“And your contacts are in my dresser.”

Just as the two boys leave the bathroom to find their belongings, they hear a knock at the door. Dan and Phil turn to each other, panic in their eyes. They had been so caught up in pranking each other, neither of them remembered to put the pasta in the water to start making cheese penne, which seemed a simple but satisfying meal.

“Phil.”

“Dan.”

“Do we have nothing to serve to my mum?”

“Don’t ask me! You said you could cook!”

“ _Shit.”_

“You’re telling me.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Dan says, rapidly trying to come up with a plan. “You distract her! You’re good at small talk, tell her some of your animal facts or something. I’ll warm up that Chinese food from a few nights ago - we still have plenty of it, right? Right, I think we do.”

Phil laughs lightly, shaking his head. “We are such a mess.” He gives Dan a quick kiss, then goes to open the door.

Dan knows Phil must be terrified, he’s about to meet his boyfriend’s mom for fucks sake, but he keeps his chill. Dan’s impressed, if it were him, he’d be lying on the floor whispering incoherently. Apparently Phil’s the functional one of the two.

Speaking of functional, Dan needs to get this food ready, and he needs to get it ready _fast_. Phil will probably take Dan’s mum into the lounge, right across from the kitchen. Dan needs to get the food out of the signature containers before his mum can see.

He scurries into the kitchen as he hear the door opening, a bright “Hello!” coming from Phil in the foyer. Dan smiles to himself as he spills the contents of the container onto a big plate, placing it into the microwave.

His confidence that this will fool him mum dips as he realizes no one makes Chinese food in the _microwave_.

Oh well, they’ll just have to make do.

After setting the timer, Dan quickly fills three glasses with water, putting a good amount of ice cubes in each glass.

“...and that’s why you should never mess with crows,” Dan hears as Phil and his mother enter the room.

“That’s… very fascinating, Phil.”

Dan pries his eyes from his work to look up at the two of them. His mum is dressed in a blue button up shirt, paired with a bright yellow cardigan and black pants, finished off with black flats. Her chestnut brown hair is pulled back in a motherly bun, and she’s wearing minimal makeup.

“Hey mom!” Dan runs to give her a hug, realizing he hasn’t seen her since Christmas break, over three months. She smells like her favorite lemon lotion, and unmistakable hints of their family home. Dan hadn’t realized how much he missed her.

“I’m so sorry the rest of the family couldn’t make it. You’re father’s very busy with work, and your brother… well, you know how he is. Didn’t want to leave his video games for more than two hours. That boy, I swear.”

Dan laughs. It’s only been thirty seconds, and she’s already turned into The Ultimate Mother™.

Phil laughs too, his tongue poking out between his teeth. Dan notices Phil’s fingers are half-tucked in his pocket, twisting his hand into an uncomfortable looking position.

_Maybe he’s just anxious_.

Just as he’s about to speak up, to pull the stress of conversation away from Phil, the microwave angrily beeps at them. His mum’s eyes glance at the microwave, eyebrows raised, but she doesn’t say anything.

“So have I told you about the dangers of squirrels?” Phil pipes up, and Dan leaves him to continue chatting, remembering the squirrel story Phil told him on their first date.

Dan works quickly, plating the food in the most artistic way he can think, topping each plate off with chopped carrots, the only vegetable they have in their fridge. The overall presentation is… well… shit, but Dan doesn’t particularly care. His mom obviously knows they didn’t cook this, but she’s being nice about it, hopefully she’ll care more about Phil than the food.

“Did he bite you?” Dan’s mum asks, hands over her heart. “You don’t have rabies, do you?”

Phil laughs lightly. “No, he didn’t bite me, Ms. Howell. I do sometimes foam at the mouth, but only when I use too much toothpaste.”

“Oh. Well, you know you should only use a pea sized amount, dear, right?”

“Or you could be fearless and use more than the recommended amount,” Dan chimes in, setting the plates down. “Life’s too short to follow the rules.”

“But you could get fluorine poisoning!”

“That’s true, I could,” says Dan, shaking his head. His mum, sweet as she is, just can’t seem to understand sarcasm. Unfortunately for Dan, he speaks fluent sarcasm, so she and him often had mild misunderstandings.

“So, Phil! What do you do for a living?” Dan’s mum poses. Phil’s pale cheeks turn a noticeable pink.

“I um... “ he begins, pausing uncharacteristically. “I make videos. Videos about life and things that have happened to me. It’s quite fun.”

“Videos? Like movies?”

“Sort of like that, yeah. I was actually in a movie once!”

“You were?” Dan’s mum asks excitedly, and Dan can tell she’s impressed. “Which one?”

“It’s called _Faintheart_ , I’m not sure if you’ve heard of-”

“Oh that’s a lovely movie!” she chimes in. “You were in that? That’s fantastic!” Dan’s mum reaches her arm out to pat Phil on the forearm. “Well, should we dig in? I’m famished!”

* * *

Two hours and one bottle of cheap wine later, the conversation is still going. Dan mostly stays out of it, letting Phil and his mum bond.

“But Phil, really, you must meet our family dog, Colin! He’s such a sweetheart, just like you!”

“I’d love to do that, Ms. Howell,” Phil says with a smile.

Dan’s eyes widen in pride. His mum invited Phil to their house! That must mean she really does like him! Invigorated, Dan joins back into the conversation.

“I’ve missed Colin! Does he still try to lick people’s faces when he first meets them?”

“Oh yes! Phil, I hope you’re not allergic to dogs, because Colin is a lover.”

_Just like Phil_ , Dan thinks cheekily.

“Not at all! A cat could smother me with a pillow of its own fur, but I’m totally fine with dogs!”

“We could take the train up next weekend?” Dan suggests, taking Phil’s hand in his.

“That sounds fantastic! I’ll start tidying the house when I get back.”

“Mum! You don’t have to do that! We’re not…” Dan shares a look with Phil, remembering the state of their flat just hours ago. “We’re not the tidiest of people. Don’t go to a load of trouble for us.”

“Nonsense,” his mum waves him off in a motherly fashion. “I want my boys to enjoy their stay.”

_Her boys_. Dan feels Phil squeeze his hand, and looks over to find Phil grinning like an idiot. Dan squeezes his hand back, Phil’s smile working its way onto Dan’s face as well.

Dan feels happier than he can ever remember. His mom approves of Phil. Phil didn’t even flinch at her words. Everything is so perfect, it seems to Dan as though nothing can go wrong.

“And Dan, guess who’s back from grad school in America!”

“Who?” Dan asks, only half paying attention to his mum, still lost in his own happy place. Nothing can ever make him leav-

“Your old babysitter, Carla! She’s working at the shop just up the road from us! I thought you two could reconnect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back from my hiatus! So sorry it took me such a long time, I just... well... my mental health has not been great for a long while, I struggle with depression and kinda severe anxiety, and I really needed a break for a while. 
> 
> But writing honestly does make me so happy, so I finally got around to it again. I'd forgotten how much I love it! Anyways, so sorry for the delay, but with any luck, I'll be back to posting much more frequently :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	15. Ground Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst, did I mention angst? Because this chapter sure as hell has angst.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: there's a part in this chapter that I thought might be a danger for some people, without spoiling, there's an undertone of self harm, though that's not exactly what it is. I bolded the words around the passage, so please avoid the passage if needed.
> 
> Stay safe friends! <3

Like a vise, Phil’s hand tightens around Dan’s. A sharp intake of breath is all that can be heard as a silence settles over the table.

“Daniel? Is something the matter?”

Dan’s eyes flutter closed as a memories wash through his mind, drowning his thoughts into oblivion. He can’t think. He can’t speak. He’s even struggling to breathe. To his utter relief, Phil manages to speak up on his behalf.

“You know, I’m feeling a little sick. I think it might have been those sandwiches we had earlier, are you feeling ill too, Dan?”

Still unable to speak, Dan manages a nod.

“I think we might need to rest for a while. Can I walk you to the door?”

“Oh…” Dan’s mum says, clearly confused by this turn of events. “Okay. Yes, let me get my sweater.”

She retrieves the sweater from the chair, preparing to leave.

“Daniel? Will you be visiting soon? The family misses you.”

“I… uh....” Dan tries.

“We’ll look at some trains, see if we can get on platform 9 ¾ any time soon! Thank you for coming, Ms. Howell!” Phil stands up, ushering her toward the door.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispers to Dan, pasting on a smile. “Please, stay safe.”

He exits the room, leaving Dan alone.

 **_She’s_ ** _back. She’s back. She’s back. It doesn’t end. It will never, ever end._

Tears threatening to spill from his lashes, Dan looks looks around the table, fumbling around for anything that might give him _some_ control over the situation.

He picks up a fork (they didn’t have any chopsticks, too expensive), and stabs himself roughly in the arm, not to hurt himself, but to steady himself slightly. Everything is spinning out of control, and pain brings him back slightly.

Besides, he deserves to be hurt, doesn’t he? He did this to himself - he didn’t fight back, he didn’t say no strong enough, he didn’t ask for help. This is all his fault. And even now, when he thought everything was over, that he was safe, she still lingers. Maybe he’ll never escape. Maybe this is all he’ll ever **know.**

“Dan!”

Dan looks up, startled, and throws the fork to the table. He’d almost forgotten that Phil was returning, subconsciously expecting Phil to leave.

“How are y- what happened to your arm?”

“You said we might visit?!? You said we would go down there, even though you _knew_ what that would mean for me?!? I thought you cared about me!! I thought-”

“Dan! I do care fo-”

“Then why would you agree???”

Tears stream from Dan’s eyes as he falls apart. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows his reaction is wrong, that he’s only acting out of fear, channeling what he can control - his anger. This isn’t Phil’s fault and he knows it, but somehow he can’t stop.

“I thought-”

“You thought it would be okay?? You don’t know what goes on in my head! You have no idea! I _can’t_ see her again!”

“I didn’t say you would have to! Please, Dan...” Phil’s face is flushing red, his eyes crinkled in pain. Clearly, Dan is hurting him with his scalding words.

At that realization, Dan breaks. He can’t do this to Phil, it isn’t fair to him. Phil, such a lovely soul, doesn’t deserve to be burdened with all of his nonsense. It would be kinder for Dan to just...

“I’ve got to go.”

Phil’s head snaps up at his words.

“Go…?” he questions, reaching out his hand to hold Dan’s. “Dan, please, stay here. You're-”

“You’re too kind, Philip. You’d be better off without me.”

“Dan?”

Before Phil can stop him, Dan dashes for the door, grabbing for his coat before sprinting out their apartment. He runs for the lift, pressing the G button, for ground floor, heart beating wildly.

And then, everything settles. The enclosed space presses in on him, forcing him to stay in one place. His breathing slows, and his mind clears slightly. Every surface is covered in mirrors, and he sees himself over and over and over again.

There he is, shirt slightly askew from his frantic exit. His arm is bleeding, presumably from the fork, and his eyes match the blood, red from crying. In the mirror, he sees a scared boy. He sees hints of the twelve-year-old, too terrified to talk. He sees a pathetic human being that he just can’t outrun.

_What have I become? I’m sorry._

But when Dan looks again, he sees his hair is swung to the opposite side, just like Phil’s. A small smile escapes him at the observation, and he notices his dimples, the ones Phil said were cute. His shirt, red plaid, is Phil’s, though it fits him well. Odd, he normally only wears black.

In shock, Dan realizes that, for the first time he can remember, he’s looking in the mirror and actually _liking_ what he sees, if only a fraction of it. Most of the time he tries to avoid looking at his face entirely, only quickly glancing at the reflection to see if his outfit worked, because he knew he would never make it outside if he saw how the rest of him appeared - ugly and unwanted.

But now, in the most unusual way, he doesn’t hate what he sees.

 _Why?_ He wonders, staring into his own plain brown eyes. _Why do I see myself differently?_

Trying to put together the pieces, Dan ruffles his hair, but pulls his hand away quickly at the curls, an artifact from the night.

 _Phil_ , he realizes with a start. _That’s the difference._

The lift dings, and Dan is filled with fear. He can’t leave Phil, it would be like leaving part of himself behind.

“Dan!” a muffled cry comes from outside the lift. The doors open, and Dan jumps back in surprise.

“ _Phil?_ ” he gapes, shocked to see him standing outside the lift, hands on his knees, wheezing.

“ _How_ in the everloving _fluff_ did you get down here??”

Phil cocks a small smile, glancing at the stairs. “I flew. Not bad weather for flying.”

Without thinking, Dan rushes forward, throwing his arms around him. “I’m so sorry,” he chokes out, but Phil shushes him softly.

In Phil’s arms, Dan already feels safer. Phil is the comfort he never had, someone to give him strength when he just wants to sleep forever. Dan thinks back to a month ago, when he was still a student, wallowing hopelessly with no purpose, no life in him.

“Hey, Phil,” he starts.

“Shhhh,” Phil says, lightly tightening his grip on him. “My hugs are +20 health. Wouldn’t want to pass up that opportunity, would you?”

Dan leans back slightly, looking Phil in his beautiful blue eyes.

“I love you, you dork.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL. That was certainly a roller coaster to write. If the angst in this chapter stressed you out, don't worry, the next chapter is going to have so much fluff, you'll be drowning in it.
> 
> Anyways, what did you think? Tricky conflict, I know. Quick question: would anyone be opposed to more Phil POV? I want to write some more backstory, but I can work around if needed.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


	16. I'm Flying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lift in Phil's apartment has a tendency to malfunction quite often...
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Phil's real-life family are literally the sweetest people ever, his family in here is completely OOC, and all my own creation.

“I’ve got to go.”

The world flips upside down at those words, silverware dancing as Phil tries to comprehend what Dan just said. The birds sang so beautifully this morning, but they seem to be sleeping now, their songs only a memory.

 _Dan… Dan can’t leave_ , he thinks, unable to even picture the situation. _This is his home_...

The idea of Dan leaving seems so preposterous that Phil forgets this was only home to him for the last three nights. Hasn’t he always been here?

“Go? Dan, please, stay here. You’re-”

“You’re too kind, Philip,” Dan cuts him off, Phil’s words hanging in the air. “You’d be better off without me.”

“Dan?” Phil asks, too stunned to say more. ‘ _Better off without me’? That’s the polar opposite of the truth._

Before Phil can even begin to string together what he wants to say, Dan dashes towards the door, leaving Phil frozen, surrounded by the remnants of a once-pleasant meal. Now it looks spoiled.

Time slows as Phil watches the door slam, an ear-shattering _clank!_ as the frame shudders. He knows he should follow, his brain telling him to bungy jump off their balcony if he has to, but his body refused to work.

The unsaid words knock around around in his head, each one stabbing him harshly.

 _You’re all that matters to me_ \- the truth he was unable to say.

Now Dan has left, falling away from Phil while he just stood by idly. At the realization, Phil springs from his shocked state, roughly pulling the door open, slamming it behind him. He heads for the stairs - not trusting the slow moving elevator, which moves as fast as a slug on melatonin and breaks down on a weekly basis.

No, Phil must do the bravest thing of all. He must exercise.

* * *

“Phil are you suuuure you don’t want to take the stairs? It’s only like, five-hundred to our apartment,” Dan taunts.

“Tempting. Lift. Now,” Phil replies, still wheezing from his flight down.

Dan chides, “You know, Phil, it’s important to get a good amount of exercise. I don’t know if you’ve gotten enough today…”

“Ahh, well, if you’d like to get your heart rate up, you’re welcome to take the stairs. But my heart is beating at about the same pace as a hummingbirds’, so I’m taking the lift. See you at the top!” Phil heads toward the lift, certain Dan will follow.

“You know, I’ve had a change of heart. I think I might take the lift.”

“What a revolutionary idea,” Phil says with a laugh.

“Shush it, you.”

Dan steps on to the lift just as the doors are closing. In his haste, he accidentally bumps into Phil, but pulls away quickly.

Neither of them have worked up the courage to say it, but they both know this argument has changed their relationship. Dan left. He left Phil, if only for a second. He now sees that this could theoretically come to an end, that their lives could split, and leave them as they both once were - alone.

A sharp jolt of the lift pulls Dan from his depressing thoughts, dragging his eyes upwards. Phil looks up as well, making eye contact with him in the reflective walling.

“Danwhat’sgoingon?” Phil asks in a rush, as the lift come to a stop beneath their feet.

“Phil, things break sometimes. I bet the lift saw you were getting on and said to itself - Hey are you okay?” Dan switches quickly from his teasing tone when he sees Phil’s wringing hands and scared eyes.

“Hey, Phil, you’re alright,” Dan says, a little shaking on comforting. Phil always seemed to comfort him so easily, but all Dan feels now is unsurety. How does one make someone feel better?

“Can I do something to help?” Dan tries. “Er, do you want a, er, footrub?”

Dan hears a choked laugh come from Phil.

“I… I’m fine… just, don’t like tight spaces…” he says, glancing around nervously.

“Oh, hey, well...” Dan trails off. How does Phil do this so easily? He makes Dan feel so much better when he’s upset, but Dan’s struggling to even put together a toss away reassurance.

_Think. How do you make an area bigger?_

“Hey Phil,” he begins, smoothing out his voice. “Can you do me a favour?”

Phil sniffs, his blue eyes flicking up to meet Dan’s again.

“Yeah?”

“Close your eyes for me. You’re okay. I’m here. I’m going to tell you what I see, and I want you to imagine it, okay?”

Phil obliges, but his quick breathing and hand-wringing don’t cease.

“Alright. Alright. Umm, I see clouds, okay? Grey - no, white! Big and puffy, all around, surrounding you tightly.”

“Dan that is not very helpful,” Phil deadpans to Dan’s general direction.

“I know, I know, but the clouds are slowly thinning. You’re, um, floating upwards into the sky, the clouds becoming less opaque. You speed up, an-and now you can see snippets of blue, as beautiful as your own eyes.

“Suddenly, the entire sky opens up, and you’re above the clouds. Beneath your feet is what once trapped you, but now they look like pillows, soft enough to nap on. They spill out along the horizon, so far you can’t even see where they end.

“You lean a little, and drift slightly to the right. Then to the left. Then further upwards, and now you’re soaring, back and forth through the infinity of blue. You can go anywhere. Everywhere. It’s all yours.”

A silence settles between them, Dan holding his breath while Phil catches his.

“Phil?” he asks, anxious. “Are you-”

“Shhhh,” Phil breaks in, a small smile dancing on his lips. “I’m flying.”

Dan laughs out loud. “Of course you’re flying. You always are.”

Phil’s eyes open once more, much less scared than they were before. His hands are still pressed tightly together, but his breaths come much more evenly now. Dan takes one of his hands, wrapping it in his.

“Wha-” Phil breathes out. “What do you think happened?”

“Well, you know as well as I do these lifts are older than the dinosaurs and run about as well as they do. Something in the system probably went wrong.”

“How long will we be in here?”

Dan resists the urge to tease him about sounding like a small child, instead smiling brightly at him. “Not long, hopefully. I’ll dial 999 right now.”

The phone rings twice before a woman picks up.

“Hi! Yeah, um, my friend and I, we’ve got ourselves in quite a jam.  Our lift seems to be stuck in between two floors and isn’t starting up again. What? Oh, yes, sorry, one sec.” Dan gives the operator their address, and she tells him they'll be there "as soon as possible.”

“Great, thank you so much.”

Dan hangs up the phone. “They’ll be here soon. Let’s sit down,” he says, slowly pulling Phil down. “Best be comfortable.”

In the cramped space, they only have one sitting arrangement, across for each other, both backs resting against the mirrored wall.

“So,” Dan begins, hoping to distract Phil from the obvious lack of space around them. “What did you think of my delicious homemade chinese food?”

“Quite impressive, especially since you handcrafted it using only a microwave. You would certainly make it to the next round of masterchef.”

“Ahhh, well, it did take me hours to get it perfect.”

Dan sighs, recalling the good parts of today. Even though the food was reheated leftovers, it was quite tasty, and it was so lovely seeing his mum again. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed her.

“Will I be able to meet your parents someday?” Dan asks, thinking Phil may be missing his family as much as he had been.

To his surprise, Phil lets out a sound somewhere between a cough and choking.

“I don’t think so,” he says, uncharacteristically cold.

“Oh!” Dan exclaims. “Sorry, I was just-”

“It’s fine. Just… Look, Dan,” Phil continues on with his cold tone, so different from his normal bubbly voice. “I don’t really have a family anymore. Or at least, they don't really have me. Shit.”

His words shock Dan almost as much as the swear word.

“Are they… did they…?”

“They’re not dead, if that’s what you’re asking. It’s just… it’s just hard to talk about.”

“That’s okay,” Dan says, forcing a smile. “What would you like to talk about?”

Phil returns the smile, looking relieved at the change of subject. “Why did the ghost take the lift?”

“Because the ghoul took the stairs, I don’t know, why, Phil?”

“Because he wanted to lift his spirits!”

Dan outwardly groans, shoving Phil’s shoulder. “Lift puns are wrong on so many levels, Phil.”

“Hey! I find them uplifting!”

“They do have their ups and downs, I suppose.”

“Yeah, well, I normally take steps to avoid the elevator…”

At that line, Dan looks up to see a smug sideways smile plastered on Phil’s face, his eyes glowing with pride at his fairly decent pun.

 _What a beautiful creature_ , Dan thinks. _How could I communicate how much I care about him?_

“You fucking nerd,” he tries.

 _Perfect_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes. Guys, I'm /so/ sorry. I know it's been ages and I honestly have no excuse for how long I was gone. I guess if I were to say anything, it would be that it's really freaking hard to write a happy story when you're not quite as happy yourself. But still, I'm so sorry for how long I was gone, I hope the next few chapters make up for it a little.
> 
> I'll be hopefully uploading another chapter tomorrow because it's almost finished now. After that I'll try to upload as much as possible, except *big smile* I'm going to Europe for a month!! I'm so so excited, but I'll still try to update while there :)
> 
> Thank you so much for all the sweet comments you've left, they honestly make me super happy, you're all so sweet. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	17. An Hour Left to Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short lil' chapter for y'all :) 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Phil's real-life family members are literally the sweetest people in the world, the characters in this story are completely made up by me and have no relation to any real person.

“But it’s been two hours! I get that you’re backed up, I’m sorry about that, but I’ve got a claustrophobic friend with me and you’re saying it could be another hour? No, I get it, there’s nothing you can do, but surely there’s something we could… Nothing? Shi- I mean, okay, we’ll… we’ll wait it out.”

Dan turns off his phone, sitting down across from Phil again. 

“Is there anything I can do to help, Phil? Do you want to try and sleep? I can keep in contact with them, you can use my jacket as a-”

“Silly bear. I’m fine,” Phil says with a smile. “I feel so much better having you here. If it would just me I would’ve already sacrificed my fringe to the gods in exchange for freedom.”

“Well we can’t have that. Who would you be without your fringe?”

“Just another unnoticed face in our already forgetful society.”

“Wow, Phil,” Dan deadpans, placing his hand on Phil’s knee, not five inches from his in this tight space. “How deep.”

Phil glances quickly down at Dan’s hand, then looks back up at Dan, his mouth half open like he wants to say something but is struggling to find the words.

“Hey, Dan, you asked about my parents and, well, I’ve been thinking, you have more than a right to know.”

“No, no,” Dan cuts in quickly. “If you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to. If you say they’re awful, I believe you. I’m ready to TP their house whenever you are.”

Phil smiles sadly. “Thanks, Dan. But you should know. I know so much about you and you barely know anything about me. Besides, I trust you.”

“Ooh. Bad decision,” Dan jokes awkwardly.

“Oh shush, silly. The thing is, well, I haven’t spoken to them for over three years.”

_ Three years?  _ Dan missed his family after just three months, three entire years is twelve times as much. Dan can barely remember the faces of his friends from three years ago, much less how they acted. Not seeing someone that important for so long just seems  _ wrong _ to him.

“W-why’s that?” he asks.

“Well, the thing is, they don’t really want to see me. I don’t particularly want to see them either, but it still sort of stings.”

“Of course," Dan says understandingly." But… why don’t they want to see you? You’re such a lovely human being, everyone should want to see you!” 

Phil’s eyes cast downwards, a sad smile playing on his lips. “It’s really not their fault. They come from such a conservative area, and it’s how they were raised, I don’t at all mean to speak badly of them.”

_ Always giving people the benefit of the doubt; Phil’s such a better person than I’ll ever be… _

“I came out to them over Christmas break in my last year of uni. They didn’t take it very well. I think my father’s word were, ‘I didn’t raise a goddamn F-A-G,’” Phil says, spelling out the last word. “He was stressed, like everyone is during the holidays, that might have been part of it, but he kicked me out. I spent that night on the bench of the train station and have been too scared to go back ever since.”

Dan let’s out a long breath. For all his mum’s faults, she had been incredibly accepting, making a warm cup of tea and giving him a big hug when he told her. 

“Phil… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Phil says, smiling while wiping a tear from his cheek. “I’m, I’m fine. It’s not their fault, they were probably just worried about what the neighbors would do when they found out and just wanted to keep me safe.”

Though he knows that’s not at all true, Dan softly agrees, softly brushing away another tear from Phil’s cheek.

“I’m okay, really,” Phil lies. “It’s just really hard, you know, to not have a family.”

At that, Dan launches forward, grabbing the black tie Phil adorned for their dinner and kisses Phil passionately, climbing onto his lap. 

“I’ll be your family, Phil,” he whispers. “I love you.”

Phil takes his cheek roughly, returning the kiss. Unlike before, Dan doesn’t hold back, and he finds his hands traveling under Phil’s shirt, exploring. Phil arches his back as Dan’s fingers graze his nipple, and the motion send a jolt through Dan’s entire body.

He rutts his hips over Phil’s, the friction making him gasp slightly.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Phil says in a low, husky tone, looking up to meet Dan’s chocolate brown eyes. Dan blushes, suddenly conscious of everything he’s doing. He’s making little noises, is that weird? Not that he could stop making them if he wanted, it all just feels _so_ _good_. 

Phil reaches under them hem of Dan’s shirt, lifting it up. It gets caught on Dan’s chin, and Dan whines impationtly as he struggles to pull it off.

Just as Phil gets Dan’s shirt off his head, they hear a loud  _ bang!  _ from behind the lift doors. 

Their eyes meet, Phil’s wide with panic, and Dan bursts into laughter. 

“My shirt is off,” he states obviously, slightly in shock. Phil throws it back at him, Dan failing to catch it and picking it off the floor.

“Put it back on!! They’ll know!”

Dan laughs slightly, not as worried as he should be. Maybe Phil is flustered enough for the both of them. 

He pulls his shirt back on hastily and is just straightening it out when a lever causes one of the doors to open a few feet. 

“We’re so sorry for the delay, folks.”

Phil looks over at Dan, a smirk on his face. 

“Don’t worry about it sir. We made do just fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well *covers face in shame* I'm sorry I made you read that lol. Any tips or constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
